Burnout & Boundaries in the Workplace
With the introduction of remote and hybrid work schedules, it is increasingly more difficult to separate our personal lives from our professional lives. Setting boundaries at work can be complicated and uncomfortable, but essential for the prevention of burnout.
Knowing that work has become such large part of our daily lives, it is no surprise that workplace burnout has also become a more prevalent issue. With the introduction of remote and hybrid work schedules, it is increasingly more difficult to separate our personal lives from our professional lives. Setting boundaries at work can be complicated and uncomfortable, but essential for the prevention of burnout.
What is Burnout?
Burnout is best defined as high levels of stress characterized by emotional and physical exhaustion, lack of team support, and unrealistic work expectations. These types of stressors leave employees feeling unaccomplished, performing at lower levels, and dissatisfied with their jobs. Without effective responses, burnout can quickly lead to more serious or complicated mental health issues.
What are Boundaries?
Boundaries are physical or emotional limits that define you in relation to other people and roles you fulfill. Boundaries help to focus our mind and feel a sense of conclusion between the work time and personal time. While you may still think about work while off the clock or your personal life while completing work tasks, boundaries encourage your attention to remain on topic and the release of unrelated responsibilities.
How to Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries in the workplace is essential as they help to define your role and responsibilities. Holding expectations surrounding communication, duties and all other areas of work leads to higher productivity and job satisfaction. This clarity protects your physical and emotional emergency from becoming over-exerted, which leads to burnout. There are several ways to begin setting boundaries in the workplace:
Identify Priorities
Determine which tasks or communication are too important to wait
Prioritizing allows you to dedicate time and complete tasks efficiently
Say No
Practice becoming comfortable with saying no
It is okay to admit that you have already taken on as much as you can handle
· Use time off
Time away from work is meant to be just that, time away from work
Make sure to unplug and reset
· Silence Notifications
Eliminate the temptation to cross your own boundaries
Try turning off work notifications outside of your work hours
· Schedule & Keep Breaks
Regular breaks help your mind to recharge
Incorporate breaks into your everyday work routine and stick to them
· Separate Spaces
Create a separate space for work and for relaxation
Physically separate spaces help your mind to separate too
Keep in mind, boundaries are not built overnight. The already existing blurred lines between your work life and your personal life will take time and continued practice to separate. However, once you achieve this distinction, your relationships with coworkers, supervisors and supervisees will improve greatly. If you find that you struggle to identify or put boundaries into place, a mental health professional may be able to help.
5 Hints to Managing the Mental Load of the Holidays
Holiday season is here again. Caregivers, especially moms can feel an extra amount of stress during this time. This article offers some great tips to help manage the burden fo the holidays.
The holiday season is here. For many people, the decorations, holiday music, and shopping bring warm feelings of joy and nostalgia. Moms/ the primary caregiver everywhere works tirelessly to give their families a memorable and joyful experience. This planning and extra running around coupled with the normal routine of everyday life can amount to a stressful mental load. To stay healthy & happy, moms must find ways to cope and keep this load manageable.
Although in heterosexual couples' dads participate in the holidays, most families agree that moms still carry the brunt of the responsibility. The extra stress associated with the holidays and the feelings of guilt for not being able to do more lead to negative feelings. Incorporating the tips discussed in this article is a terrific way to manage the mental load of the holidays and properly self-care.
5 TIPS TO MANAGING THE MENTAL LOAD OF THE HOLIDAYS:
Practice Self-care. A perfect way for moms to manage a heavy mental load during the holidays is to relax. In other words, engage in activities that bring stress relief and comfort. Activities could include exercise, reading, listening to music, or any other hobby that is enjoyed. Breaking up hustle and bustle of planning with some self-care can do amazing things to reduce stress, anxiety, taking time for self-care rejuvenates and gives energy so that moms can then focus on their kids and families.
Make a plan and stick to it. Like most stressful things, planning helps reduce part of the burden and worry. Moms who plan are more likely to keep their mental load in order. Having a list of tasks that need to be accomplished during the holiday season provides the structure needed to manage a heavy load. The crucial point here is to stick to the original plan. If new, things are constantly added, then having a plan, to begin with, is ineffective.
Manage Expectations. One of the main causes of carrying a heavy mental load during the holidays is the fear of letting loved ones down. Moms are expected to buy the best present, plan an exciting trip, and prepare the most festive meal. The pressure of perfection can trigger an enormous amount of anxiety. Having the understanding that things will not turn out perfectly, because there is no such thing as perfect, is an important part of keeping the mental load in check.
Be dedicated to the fact that the holidays are supposed to be joyous. The holidays are a happy time, or at least they should be. When things get tough though, take a moment or two to remember what is being celebrated. Having family and friends around during the holiday season is special and should be something to look forward to. If that idea is lost, then the whole concept of celebrating the holidays needs to be reevaluated. Sometimes the joy can be harder to find and that’s okay! During those not so joyous moments it would be a wonderful time to model how to handle the disappointments to your children. If children observe that you can be present and working through your feelings in real time, they too will start utilizing those skills. Additionally, if they see parents be happy during the holiday time it will teach children about the importance and beauty of the holidays.
Delegate tasks. Do not take on everything alone. Having support during the holiday season is an effective way to help cope with things and create efficiency in getting things done. Give yourself grace to not be a “Super Mom;” just remember you are not alone. Utilize help when it is available for small, medium, or large tasks.
Holiday time can sometimes trigger serious mental health issues such as depression or severe anxiety. This can occur for assorted reasons including past trauma, missing deceased family, or the high level of stress associated with the holidays. If symptoms should arise and feel different or worse than usual, consider seeking professional help. The experienced Obsidian Counseling & Wellness team has the skill set and expertise to provide the necessary therapeutic interventions needed to get these feelings under control.
Moms will always carry a heavy mental load during the holidays. It comes with the territory. Being able to manage that load is challenging but doable with the right support. Following the tips provided in this article is a great start. More than anything else, enjoy this special time of year with family and loved ones. That is the most important thing to achieve. Happy Holidays.
5 Tips to Stop the Cycle of Imposter Syndrome
Do you ever say to yourself…
“Success is no big deal. It’s all down to luck.”
“When are they going to find out I’m actually no good at this?”
“I feel like a fake.”
“I’m a fraud.”
“I must not fail.”
If you do you might be experiencing Imposter Syndrome. Also sometimes called “perceived fraudulence," imposter syndrome is a strong feeling of self-doubt and incompetence despite evidence to the contrary. That evidence may include your education, experience, or accomplishments.
Imposter syndrome is often found in high achieving people, women, and underrepresented racial, ethnic, religious, and gender and sexuality minorities. It overrides any feelings of success or external evidence of competence. It is marked by fears that past accomplishments will not be replicated or that others will find out or “unmask” a person as a fraud who does not actually know as much as everyone thought they did.
Anyone can be affected by imposter syndrome. It can be found in BIPOC individuals who work or study in predominately white spaces. It can be found in first-generation college students or white-collar employees. It can also be found in trans and nonbinary individuals who experience a pervasive fear of not being “man/woman enough” and therefore will not be seen by the world.
Does this sound like you?
Imposter syndrome is not uncommon. Some studies show as many as 82% of people experience imposter syndrome at some point in their lives. That’s basically everybody.
A Cycle of Anxiety, Depression and Burnout
The problem with imposter syndrome is it becomes a cycle. No matter how hard you work you always wind up in the same spot.
These constant swings of anxiety and depression wreak havoc on your body and your brain’s ability to function and cope. You may notice yourself late to work because you just couldn’t make yourself get out of bed or leave the house on time or get out of the car when you arrive.
That is your brain trying to protect you from what it sees as a highly negative and unpleasant space. Unfortunately, you may also interpret this as further evidence of your fraudulence in addition to repercussions for arriving late to work.
And while a little anxiety can galvanize us, too much wears out the system. Both your body and your mind become exhausted and this can lead to depression. Depression will then echo the feelings of being an imposter because depression is nothing if not a big, fat, negative liar.
Overtime this continuous cycle of anxiety and depression will result in burnout. Burnout can then result in dropped productivity, fewer results, or more sick days. This then becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy of inadequacy that is difficult to recover from without help. Cleveland Clinic has some additional information on burnout.
Why Does Imposter Syndrome Happen?
How imposter syndrome develops in any given person is idiosyncratic, meaning it is unique to the individual. The why of imposter syndrome, however, is fairly straight forward: we are privy to our inner thoughts when nobody else is, and we know how much effort we put in because we were there the whole time.
The kicker, of course, is nobody else knows all of that unless we say something. But part of the fear of imposter syndrome is being found out as, well, an imposter. So, people who struggle with it find themselves incapable of sharing these experiences and doubts with others.
For BIPOC and queer individuals there is the added difficulty of being made to feel like a space was not build with them in mind. This study encourages a reconceptualization of imposter syndrome for these populations that moves away from internal insecurities—as has been the prevailing approach with white populations—towards the environmental factors that elicit these imposter feelings.
As an example, if an African-American interviews for an upper management position but everyone in the office is European-American it is natural to feel this space was not created with him in mind. Or for a Muslim who is subtly told by management she should not walk away from her desk to perform Salah (praying towards Mecca).
Imposter Syndrome Looks Different for Everyone
We can break down imposter syndrome into five basic types: the perfectionist, the expert, the natural genius, the soloist, and the super person.
The Perfectionist:
What it looks like: In this brand of imposter syndrome, you must be absolutely perfect. Otherwise, you could have done better. The perfectionist sets exceptionally high goals. When these goals are not met serious self-doubt sets in.
How to spot one: The perfectionist can…
be accused of micromanaging,
have difficulty in delegating,
and feel their work must be 100% perfect 100% of the time.
The accompanying thought: I’m not as good as others think I am.
The Expert:
What it looks like: Here, imposter syndrome convinces the expert they must know everything that can possibly be known about a certain topic/subject. Otherwise, they have not mastered the subject and will be exposed as unknowledgeable or inexperienced.
How to spot one: The expert might…
shudder when called an expert
shy away from applying for jobs unless they meet every single educational requirement,
constantly seek trainings and/or certifications with the belief they need to improve their skills in order to succeed,
still feel they don’t “know enough” even if they have been in their role for some time
The accompanying thought: If there is still more to learn then I’m not an expert.
The Natural Genius:
What it looks like: With this type, you may feel like a fraud because you don’t believe you are naturally intelligent or competent. This type judges competence by speed and ease rather than effort. If it takes too long to master, they feel shame.
How to spot one: The natural genius…
is used to succeeding without much effort,
was told they were the “smart one” as a child,
feels shame and low confidence when faced with setbacks,
avoids challenges because it is so uncomfortable to try something they aren’t great at,
dislikes the idea of having a mentor because they can “handle things on their own.”
The accompanying thought: I didn’t get it right the first time. It’s taking me longer to master this skill than it should. I’m an imposter.
The Soloist:
What it looks like: The soloist is afraid to ask for help for fear they will be exposed as a phony.
How to spot one: The soloist…
may firmly believe they need to accomplish everything on their own,
frames requests for help in terms of requirements for the project/task at hand rather than their needs as a person,
may rebuff offers to help by saying “I don’t need anyone’s help.”
The accompanying thought: If I couldn’t get here on my own am I really that competent?
The Super-Person:
What it looks like: The super-person struggles with the belief they must be the hardest worker and/or reach the highest levels of achievement possible. They may also be convinced they are a phony hiding amongst others who are “the real deal.”
How to spot one: The super-person may…
stay later at the office than anyone else even after completing the day’s necessary work,
get stressed when not working and find “downtime” to be a complete waste,
let hobbies and passions drop out of their lives in favor of work,
and does not feel like they have truly earned their title/position despite a pile of achievements, and thus feel compelled to work harder and longer to prove their worth.
The accompanying thought: If I’m not the best I’m a fraud.
Can I Stop Feeling Like an Imposter?
Yes! You very much can. It will not be easy, but you absolutely can. Here are some steps to get you started:
Step 1: Focus on the Facts
Imposter syndrome tricks you into thinking you aren’t qualified for what you are doing. These emotions, however, are typically based in fear rather than fact. Separating your feelings from the facts is a great strategy for combating imposter syndrome.
Easier said than done, we know. You can start with some confidence building through your very own SWOT analysis. That’s “strength, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats.” It’s used by businesses but there’s no reason you can’t use it for yourself!
Step 2: Acknowledge, Validate, and Let Go:
The first step said to focus on the facts. However, that does not mean your feelings are not valid. Feelings are always valid. It’s just what we do with them that makes the difference. That means combating imposter syndrome is not about ignoring your feelings. It means acknowledging they are there but knowing they do not necessarily reflect reality.
For example, feeling unqualified does not mean you actually are. It is absolutely okay, and recommended, to say “I am feeling unqualified. That’s okay. Now I’m going to let those feelings go.”
Step 3: Reframe Your Thoughts
Thoughts are powerful. If they were not, we wouldn’t experience things like imposter syndrome. Thoughts shape how we see the world and ourselves, and thus shape our reality. Sometimes this is a positive thing and others it’s negative.
If you reframe your thoughts about yourself and set realistic goals your mind will change overtime and ultimately see yourself as deserving of your position/place/achievements.
For example, if you find yourself thinking “I don’t deserve this position” try “I may feel insecure right now but I would not have been placed in this position if I wasn’t capable.”
Step 4: Share How You Feel
Imposter syndrome can feel very isolating so this is, of course, easier said than done. Challenge yourself to reach out and talk to someone you trust and share your concerns.
This can be a colleague, a teammate, a supervisor, a friend or a partner. Sharing how you feel with another also provides a strange little confidence boost because you had the guts to do so! This is a direct attack on the isolation of imposter syndrome – good job!
Finding a mentor, if possible, can also be a good idea. Someone in your field that you look up to and can have a frank conversation with about how they have improved their skills and what challenges they have had.
We assure you that everyone struggles even if that thing is easy for them now. Yes, even, if they pretend they didn’t. It’s a fair bet that’s their own imposter syndrome talking.
Step 5: Learn from Your Peers
It’s hard not to compare ourselves to our peers. We often wind up thinking we’re the worst one by comparison. The truth is no one is a master at everything. But! Everyone is a master of something. You might be the office Excel guru or the one person on your team that can explain how to execute this play.
When working or engaging with your peers you can exchange your knowledge for learning new skills. Try to avoid the habit of comparing yourself to others. Acknowledge the value you add to the group while learning new things from your peers.
Step 6: Congratulate Yourself Once in a While
Combat your imposter syndrome head on – celebrate your accomplishments! The next time you feel good about something you’ve done share it with your colleagues or someone outside of that setting that you trust. Maybe treat yourself to a pizza!
If you believe your life is shaped by your actions, your choices, and your decisions you can then take responsibility for your achievements, as well. Take credit for the expertise and skill that helped you reach your goal or complete that project.
Another good idea is to keep a record of positive feedback and praise, even if it’s a brief “Good job!” text message. Then, the next time you hear that negative voice inside you can review those positive messages.
Can Obsidian Help Me Recover from Imposter Syndrome?
All challenges are easier to overcome when you have a trusted partner at your back. Obsidian’s team of therapists are skilled and experienced with imposter syndrome. Professional, we mean, though maybe personally, too!
CONSIDER Imposter Symdrome THERAPY IN CHICAGO, IL
Feeling like you are aren’t good enough can significantly impact your mental health. In this case, it may be helpful to seek counseling. That’s why the online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL, offer therapy directed at increasing self-confidence and decreasing those negative thoughts feeding the imposter syndrome in Illinois via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home. Take the steps below to get started.
1. Fill out a consult form here.
2. Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.
3. Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!
OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS
When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people address anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.
Playful Tips From An Online Therapist Suggesting Recess for Adults
“A laughing body is an inhospitable host to negativity and stress” (Beilock, 2017).
Take a moment to think about the last time you went outside for a scheduled recess in school. The excitement of getting out of the fluorescent lighting and into the outdoors for unstructured play until the ring of the bell or the call of a teacher summoned you back inside. It's hard for me to remember myself. However, my 7th and 8th-grade middle school no longer had a playground, so I think that the scheduled play time started to ween off around that time.
The “Guilty Pleasure” That is Play For Adults
As adults, we rarely get time out of our schedules specifically for play as adults. Instead, it's something we must seek out. Play is often seen as childish, unproductive, and petty and often is vailed with terms such as guilty pleasure. Why must childishness be viewed as a negative? Tamis-LeMonda suggests that children have the right idea when it comes to playing. She states,
“They live in the moment. There doesn't have to be a final goal, and they play for the sake of play. The truth is, play is being joyfully immersed in the moment, and as adults, we rarely do that."
Can Play Benefit My Life?
This is true! Being fully immersed in the moment has excellent mental health benefits, as does play. Here are just some of the benefits of incorporating more play into your life:
Releases endorphins -happy chemicals- that make you feel good and elevate your mood
Decreases stress levels
Improves brain function
Improves your relationships
Stimulates your mind
Boosts activity
Increases Energy
What is Play?
Play is often challenging for people to pin down because it is not something that is precisely defined. Play is a mindset and a process rather than one form of activity. Play is voluntary and pleasurable. This is key to understanding why play looks different from person to person. For example, art is a form of play for many individuals; however, if one is commissioned to make a specific art piece for their occupation, this may move the activity outside of the realm of play for the professional artist. Another example is a soccer player playing for the game's challenge, enjoyment, and community versus a soccer player whose sole goal is to win.
Play is the mental approach to activities. The mindset of play often includes wanting to have fun and connecting to joy; the activity will look different from person to person.
A Very Short List of the Endless World of Play
Still, feeling stumped? Here are some ideas for play:
Play games
Board Games
Sports
Try creating games with those around you
A race to the end of the block
A game with a ball
Have a dance battle
Carve time out for a hobby
Crafts
Music
Photography
Collecting
Schedule time in a park
Joke with strangers
At the bus stop
In the checkout line
Play with a pet
Try a new recipe
Solve puzzles
Play with young people
Since we are borrowing a mindset from children, sometimes it helps to play with them to remember what it’s like
Be present
Do something fun with others
I can go on and on; think about what play looks like or can look like for you in your life.
The Benefits of Play; The Three C’s
Yolanda Tyler describes the benefits of play using three C’s:
Community
Play can strengthen our relationships, aid in developing the community, and strengthen our social wellbeing. Play in a community can take many forms, such as a game night with friends, a sports league, arts and crafts, and so much more. Early on, play is one of the first ways we connect with others; when we were younger, we would ask if we could "go play" with our friends. However, over time that language changes, thus removing the emphasis on play. Play reminds us of cooperation with others. There are rules that the community agrees upon to create the spaces in which the play can exist. Play and laughter are essential in building strong and healthy relationships.
Creativity
Play fosters an environment for one to be creative and problem-solve. Through play, our brain can explore new pathways that can lead us to different solutions, ways of thinking, and empathy that would not otherwise be possible without it. Play allows for a safe space to explore and think differently; this is essential to working and daily life. Seems counterintuitive, right? Sometimes to move forward when I'm stuck at work, I need to take a break to play. You might think you do not deserve it; however, setting up time in your day to think differently outside of the work context may just be your way forward.
Cognitive Development
As previously mentioned, play has been proven to improve brain function, stimulate your mind, and decrease stress levels. Through play, we can strengthen our thinking skills, as well as how to put various skills into practice. Empathy is another skill that is often practiced through play. Through play, one can experience a wide range of emotions in a protected environment, and those emotional regulation skills can translate into one's daily life.
Have I Convinced You To Play Yet?
Long story short, there are so many different reasons that one may benefit from play. While the amount of play each day may vary, a good goal is to incorporate a playful mindset in your day-to-day. Incorporating play into your daily life is an investment in your overall mental and physical well-being. Play is for everyone and most certainly is not a waste of time. So, the question is: What will your “recess” look like?
CONSIDER PARENT THERAPY IN CHICAGO, IL
Self-care and mental health are connected; sometimes, parental stress or burnout may become big enough that it may be hard to overcome on your own. In this case, it may be helpful to seek counseling. That’s why Bailey Seymour, Ilyssa Lasky, and the online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL, offer therapy directed at increasing your confidence and helping you learn to play again in Illinois via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home. Take the steps below to get started.
1. Fill out a consult form here.
2. Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.
3. Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!
OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS
When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people address anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.
5 Self-Care Tips For Parents To Ease Stress & Burnout From A Parent Counselor
Transitioning into the role of parent can be exciting and overwhelming; young people require a great deal of care and attention. Suddenly, your main job is to take care of your kids. This leads parents to restructure their priorities, often moving self-care to the bottom of the list. On social media, self-care is often portrayed as self-indulgence and spoiling oneself. To a parent, this view of self-care may feel frivolous and selfish.
However, I’d like for us to take a moment to reframe self-care from a luxury to a necessity. It is not something that is added to your day as a reward but is woven into each day.
‘True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake; it is making a choice to build a life you don't need to regularly escape from' – Brianna Wiest
Adults need to be cared for just as much as their children. The only difference is that adults can make choices throughout their day to check in with and take care of themselves. If you ask a parent to go a day without taking care of their child, they will look at you shocked and rightfully so.
However, many parents go daily without tending to their needs physically, psychologically, emotionally, socially, professionally, and spiritually. These are necessities for feeling your best. I know that list may sound as if they are more things to add to that never-ending to-do list. However, in the long run, taking care of oneself prevents burnout, makes you feel like your best self and strengthens your relationship with your children.
Why is Self-Care Important for Parents from a parent counselor?
Self-care is connected to mental health; self-care can help to prevent burnout. Growing up, we are taught that we just must do some things: we have to brush our teeth each day, sleep, eat, and see the doctor. However, we often are not told to check in with how we feel or to have compassion for ourselves. By prioritizing self-care just as much as the other necessities, we can feel like our best selves, which will help us be the best parents we can be.
What is Caregiver Burnout?
Burnout, or caregiver burnout, is described as an occupational phenomenon, and if you’re reading this you know being a parent is a full-time job. Parents experiencing burnout may feel:
Exhaustion or energy depletion that won’t go away
Increased feelings of negativism, cynicism, or mental distance
Reduced efficacy
Increased procrastination and avoidance
Jealousy of others, i.e., the myth of the "supermom."
Sense of helplessness
As a parent, this may also look like a change in sleeping or eating habits. Feeling physically unwell with dizziness, an upset stomach, or headaches. Feeling anxious, guilty, unhappy, or lonely. And feeling irritated, withdrawn, sad, or angry for extended periods. Burnout is different than stress. Stress is short-term, and when we experience stress, we can identify an end to the situation and feeling. Burnout is a long-term process and is built up over time. Stress often springs individuals into action and anxiety response, while burnout often results from extended periods of prolonged stress leading to disengagement and blunted or distant emotions.
Teaching your Children Self-Care
The best way to teach your children about self-care is to model it yourself. Through watching you prioritize self-care, your children will also give those habits and behaviors value as they grow. For example, some of your self-care routines can parallel those that you set with your children. This may look like having a family dance party, making a healthy meal together, or taking a family nap after school. Working self-care into your children's lives and your own will make self-care a habit rather than something you can do "if time allows."
Build Your Toolbox: Find Self Care Strategies that Work For you
We've established that self-care does not always need to mean treating yourself, but what else can it be? Below, I've broken self-care down into some categories. For example, starting a habit of self-care may look as simple as choosing one thing from each category to implement daily. Each category includes a few examples of how one may implement that category of self-care. Your self-care will be unique to you, so allow yourself to implement self-care in ways that feel right.
Connect
Call a loved one you haven’t seen in a while
Set up a date night with your partner
Talk to a neighbor
See a friend
Join a team, class, volunteer group, etc.
Connect with coworkers
Move
Take a walk
Dance around your kitchen
Go for a bike ride
Play the music for a line dance like the YMCA or Macarena (a great one to do with your family)
Yoga
Exercise
Recharge
Try and get enough sleep when possible
Take breaks to ground yourself
Check into your breath
What can I see, feel, smell, hear, taste?
What does my body feel like?
Take a moment to breathe
Take a break from screens
Meditate
Maintain
Set up your doctor’s appointments
Brush your teeth
If applicable: take your daily medications
If applicable: do your physical therapy exercises
Play
Play with your kid’s toys after they go up to bed
Watch or play a sport
Play a card or board game with a friend or partner
Video game time
Make art
CONSIDER PARENT THERAPY IN CHICAGO, IL
Self-care and mental health are connected; sometimes, parental stress or burnout may become big enough that it may be hard to overcome on your own. In this case, it may be helpful to seek counseling. That’s why the online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL, offer therapy directed at increasing your confidence and helping you make friends in Illinois via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home. Take the steps below to get started.
1. Fill out a consult form here.
2. Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.
3. Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!
OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS
When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people address anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.
Empathy and Compassion: Aren’t They The Same & How To Practice Them When Uncertain
Empathy and compassion are often confused for each other. Empathy is defined as the ability to understand and share the same feelings with another person. Compassion is thought of to be the emotional response to another person’s pain which then creates a desire to help. There is lots of overlap between the two but what is it that sets them apart?
3 Types of Empathy
The first main difference between compassion and empathy is that there are three kinds of empathy. Psychologists Daniel Goleman and Paul Ekman have identified these three kinds of empathy as cognitive, Emotional, and compassionate. Compassionate empathy is what we typically think of when we think about compassion.
Cognitive Empathy
Cognitive empathy consists of knowing how another person feels and being able to identify what they may be thinking. For example, if a friend has recently lost a family pet, cognitive empathy enables you to know they may be feeling sad or hurt. Cognitive empathy is often referred to as “perspective taking” since it allows you to put yourself in another person’s shoes.
Emotional Empathy
Emotional empathy differs from cognitive empathy because you physically feel the emotions another person may be experiencing. This is the type of empathy that makes us jump when you see your favorite sports player fall and injure themselves during a game. You may have experienced the physical pain or sensation of injuring yourself in a similar way which is why you may grimace when you see them fall. You do not need to have experienced the same exact injury or way you were injured, but everyone has experienced physical pain before, and emotional empathy allows us to identify similarities between situations to understand how the other person is feeling. Emotional empathy does not only apply to physical situations though. Many emotions are so strong that one can also feel them physically. Emotional empathy also applies to when you can feel and experience these emotions as well.
Cognitive and emotional empathy are able to come together to form compassionate empathy.
Compassionate Empathy
Compassionate empathy is what we typically think of when we hear the word “empathy”. It is also what is typically confused for simply compassion. While the names may be similar, there is a difference. Compassionate empathy is when you combine the qualities of cognitive and emotional empathy and then act towards trying to help. So, you have put yourself in the other persons shoes and have identified their pain, physically feeling, or experiencing their emotions, and now you are ready to reach out and offer help. This is where compassion plays a role in empathy. The act of reaching out or simply having the desire to help someone experiencing pain is compassion. Empathy is good on its own, but to really help and make a difference to others compassion needs to come in and play a role.
How To Practice Compassionate Empathy
Practicing compassionate empathy is easy. Let’s say that your neighbor recently lost a loved one. You may have also been in a similar situation in the past, so you understand the grief and emotional distress it causes. Think about what could have helped you during this time. Maybe cook a meal and drop it off or offer to walk their dog so it is one less thing on their to do list.
Examples of practicing empathy and compassion in daily life
Practicing compassion today can seem like a daunting task. Differing political affiliations or general values can cause us to stay away or only socialize with people with similar views as us. Right now, our world feels like it is in a constant state of chaos and uncertainty. No matter whether you agree with someone’s values or not, everyone deserves kindness and compassion. Instead of isolating ourselves, reach out and check in with your neighbors. Keeping in touch with people and letting them know you care can make a significant impact. You never know what someone else is going through, but everyone can benefit from some compassion.
1. Reach out to a friend or family member you haven’t talked to in a while.
Ask them how they are doing or what is new in their life. Invite them to get a coffee or go on a walk. It may lead to a fun conversation where you both can catch up. With the amount of uncertainty in the world today, most people just want to talk and be heard. You can be the one to provide them with a space to do that.
2. Perform random acts of kindness
These can be done anywhere like the grocery store or gas station. If you see someone struggling with something, physically or emotionally, perform a random act of kindness to brighten their day. This could be as small as offering to carry their groceries or paying for their gas. You could also leave a note with a nice message in a random person’s mailbox. You may not see the effects it has on the person, but it could make a big difference to their day.
3. Help the environment
Humans aren’t the only ones who benefit from some compassion. Show the environment some love too. Pick up litter that may be outside or remember to recycle your water bottles. Cleaning up the environment not only helps the earth, but it makes the area nicer for people after you and you might feel a little better too.
4. And The Most Important One…Be kind to yourself!
Start your compassion journey with yourself. Treat yourself to a nice dinner or relax in the bath after a long day. Take note of when you are feeling stressed and maybe practice some breathing exercises or meditate for a moment. You can only be compassionate of others when you are compassionate to yourself first. In a world that is constantly moving, it is okay to slow down and take a breath.
Why Does This Matter?
Compassionate empathy is a key element we have as humans to connect with one another. It is particularly important and can be used as a way to unify us during times of uncertainty.
Counseling Services in Chicago, IL
Time of uncertainty can cause anxiety, burnout and sadness. These things can have a huge impact on a person’s mental health and you may need more support in the form of a professional counselor or therapist. If you are feeling overwhelmed or need help working through some of life's challenges, please reach out for counseling services. If you live in the state of Illinois, our Winnetka & Chicago based therapists would love to help. Our therapists believe in providing evidence based therapy with compassionate empathy and a nonjudgemental approach to sessions.
If you are ready to begin therapy, please take the steps below to get started:
Fill out a consult form here.
Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.
Begin working toward better mental health!
Other Mental Health Services in Illinois
Our therapists offer a wide range of mental health services to support your entire family focusing on providing evidence based care including incorporating mindfulness as well as other effective therapies such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and EMDR. addition to anxiety treatment and teen therapy, we also offer counseling for depression, teen counseling, parent counseling, trauma therapy, therapy for work burnout & more. Because we offer online therapy, we are able to help anyone in the state of Illinois. And, our therapists specialize in working with LGBTQIA+ individuals.
So, whatever your mental health needs may be, if you live in Illinois we'd love to provide you the support you're looking for.
Artist Burnout & 7 Ways to Handle it
“It’s going to happen sometimes: Despite all the good habits you’ve developed, the preparation rituals, the organizational tools, the techniques…. There will come a time when your creativity fails you. You stare at the canvas, the screen, the keyboard, the empty room- and it refuses to meet your eyes. It looks away as if it’s ashamed of you. You may as well be painting on shards of broken glass. Your screen shows nothing but wavy lines. Your fingers slip off the keyboard, never getting traction. The room turns dark and cold, and someone is locking the door behind you” -Twyla Tharp in The Creative Habit (2003).
Has your creativity failed you as an artist right now?
A feeling of being stuck, a blank mind, and fear that maybe the art will not come this time. You may describe this as Tharp does, "I'm in a rut." However, you also may be experiencing burnout. Don't worry; this does not mean that your career is over; it just means you may need to take some time to care for yourself. Imagine burnout as an injury; when we are injured, we need to take time to heal, and sometimes we add some physical therapy exercises into our routine to strengthen what's been hurt. So, as a therapist who regularly works with artists, I've got some tips to help with that.
Individuals in any career may experience periods of burnout, and artists are highly susceptible. For many, "Artist" is more than a job title; it is an identity. This connection to one's sense of self blurs the boundaries between self and work, making it difficult for artists to detach the success of one's art from the success of themselves. The making of flawed art is inevitable for an artist; however, if art and self are enmeshed, then flawed art may lead to the beliefs such as "I am a flawed person," or the lack of making art may lead to the belief that "I am no one" (Bayles and Orland, 1993). These thought processes may lead to negative self-talk, low self-esteem, and burnout.
What is Artist Burnout?
Burnout is described as an occupational phenomenon. Artists experiencing burnout may feel:
Exhaustion or energy depletion that won’t go away
Increased feelings of negativism, cynicism, or mental distance related to one’s job
Reduced professional efficacy
Increased procrastination and avoidance of doing your work
Jealousy of others who seem to be in a "groove"
Sense of helplessness
Burnout is different than stress. Stress is short-term, and when we experience stress, we can identify an end to the situation and feeling. Burnout is a long-term process and is built up over time. Stress often springs individuals into action and an anxiety response, while burnout often results from extended periods of prolonged stress leading to disengagement and blunted or distant emotions.
The 7 Ways To Combat Artist Burnout
1. Tap into Community
Sometimes creating art can feel isolating, and the process can be deeply personal. Tapping into community can help break up feelings of being stuck and quiet the cycles of negative thinking. Sharing your art with another person can help bring it out of your mind and into the world. For example, you can share your work with a peer artist, a friend, an artist in another medium, or even someone new.
Hearing another’s thoughts and reactions to your art may open some pathways for you in the creative process that you could not see before. Additionally, having a person interact with you and your art can quiet some of the "what ifs" that may arise during the creation process. You are not alone.
Additionally, through watching, reading, and viewing the work of others, you may find inspiration that will move you through your feeling of being stuck. For example, if you're a dancer, this may look like going to a dance festival, watching a performance, or taking a class, but it can also look like going to an art gallery, watching a movie, or reading a book. Art informs art, so do not be afraid to seek inspiration beyond your medium; this may open a whole new world of options.
2. Connect to Your Body
Creative processes can sometimes feel like an out-of-body experience. Artists may enter "the zone" or a feeling of intense focus, and in these moments, they may become disconnected or unaware of their physical bodies. Therefore, it is important to check in with your body and breath to take care of yourself. Check-in with your physical sensations: "Are my shoulders tense?" "Have I been sitting for too long?" "Do I need to get up and walk around?" "Do I need to sit down and stretch?" "Have I been holding my breath?" "When's the last time I had food or water?". You are more than a tool for the creation of art. By building a connection with your body, you also increase your ability to identify and respond to emotions. This sense of awareness can help you notice and tend to burnout sooner.
3. Reassess Boundaries
Boundaries can often become blurred as an artist. From boundaries as work to the boundaries that one sets for oneself. When feelings of burnout occur, reflect on what has been causing this feeling of prolonged stress. Perhaps recently, it's been hard to say no to projects, maybe the hours you’ve been working are longer, or the deadlines are too soon. Setting boundaries for how long and how often you work can help to prevent burnout. While balancing many different projects at once can be exciting, it may not be sustainable in the long term.
Additional boundaries to consider are personal boundaries. Art can be a vulnerable and personal process; when creating personal work, consider your boundaries when it comes to how much you would like to share with others. Creating personal work can be very powerful and meaningful; however, it is also okay to have boundaries for how much the public gets to know about you and your story. Creating boundaries for work and self can help one differentiate between the two and prevent conditions that often cause burnout.
4. Redefine Success
As previously mentioned, creating flawed art is inevitable as an artist, and not all your work will be loved by everyone. Additionally, even the "completed product" often never feels finished to an artist, so having success be a clear and concise ending to a process may be frustrating or unattainable because we are often left with the feeling of wanting to do more. Redefining success can help you re-frame your work and your path as an artist. Here are some helpful re-frames:
Focus on the process
What are my goals throughout this process?
Who would I like to work with?
What tools and techniques would I like to use?
Who do I want to share this with?
Redefine success by things you can control instead of things that you cannot
Detaching success of art from a sense of self
5. Practice Self-Compassion
Self- Compassion is a term coined by Dr. Kristin Neff. Approaching oneself with self-compassion requires an individual to treat oneself the way they would a friend who is having a difficult time. You may feel warmth, caring, and a desire to help and support your friend. Treating ourselves with compassion is not a societal norm; we are often met with sayings such as "rub some dirt in it," "stiff upper lip," "power through," and "blood sweat and tears." However, self-compassion involves noticing how you feel, "I am having a hard time connecting to my art right now," and then asking, "how can I comfort and care for myself at this moment?". Self-compassion allows space to acknowledge one's emotions and experiences from a space of common humanity and kindness rather than isolation and judgment.
6. Engage in Another Creative Medium
Artists benefit from engaging in work that they are often very passionate about. However, passion does not take away from the fact that it still is work. Sometimes, individuals have difficulty caring for themselves when their coping skill and former way of relieving stress is now the medium that provides them with an income. Artists need to engage in other creative mediums as a means of self-care. We do not have to master our hobbies, and there is a great deal of freedom and comfort that comes from this process. So, when you're starting to feel stuck or burnt out in your medium, try venturing into other pathways of creativity for the enjoyment of creating rather than meeting a deadline or creating "something great." Having hobbies and interests outside of your job is important and will help prevent burnout.
7. Take a break
Sometimes, it may be time to take a break when burnout takes hold. Taking a break does not mean that you need to quit or stop being an artist. Taking a break can provide time to heal and enter back into art with a refreshed mindset. Only you can give yourself permission to take time off to take care of yourself, re-energize, and return with a fresh perspective. Taking a break can feel really scary, but art is not going away, and the community will be there when you are ready to go back. During this time, you may be able to reflect on what factors lead to feelings of burnout and what you would like to incorporate into your life moving forward to support your mental well-being as an artist.
Remember…
You are not alone, broken, or "washed up" when experiencing burnout as an artist. You just need time to refresh, re-frame, and recreate your process to include you and the taking care of you.
CONSIDER THERAPY FOR ARTIST BURNOUT IN CHICAGO, IL
Being an artist is wonderful work but can lead to feelings of burnout and stress. That’s why the online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL, offer therapy directed at increasing your confidence and helping you walk away from that burnout via online therapy. We have several therapists including Bailey Seymour, LPC and Ilyssa Lasky, LCPC that specialize in working with dancers, painters, musicians and artists of all types. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home. Take the steps below to get started.
1. Fill out a consult form here.
2. Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.
3. Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!
OTHER MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS
When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people, including frequently working with musicians, address anxiety, trauma, and work-stress. Additionally, we offer yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.
Mindful Walks and Places in Chicago You Can Take Them
Summertime is almost here, which means warmer weather, new flower blooms, and a few more daylight hours than in the wintertime. Starting in the springtime, our neighborhoods offer many opportunities for self-care and fresh air. Whether you are new to the Chicagoland area or have lived here your whole life, you may like to explore areas in your neighborhood from the lens of self-care. Below I will discuss mindful walks and some local places in the northern Chicagoland area where you can practice this technique.
Mindful Outdoor Walks
Mindful walks are an excellent way to connect to the present moment, break from anxious thoughts, move your body, and get some fresh air.
What is mindfulness?
Mindfulness is a state of awareness. When we are mindful, we nonjudgmentally notice what is happening in the present moment. Contrary to popular belief, the goal of mindfulness is not to have a blank mind but instead is noticing thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations as they happen. So, for example, if you are feeling angry, you state to yourself, "I am feeling angry." The goal is not to judge or change the feelings but instead to notice.
Some benefits of mindfulness
Reduced symptoms of depression and anxiety
Improved memory and focus
Reduced Stress
Improved ability to regulate emotions
Improved satisfaction in relationships
Increased mind-body connection
Reduced rumination (which is when we get stuck on a thought or problem and play it repeatedly in our mind)
How do I go on a mindful outdoor walk?
1) Go outside; this can be anywhere you choose, where you live, near where you work, or any place you would like to explore for today’s walk. (If the weather does not permit, you can practice this skill indoors as well).
2) Start by noticing how your body feels with each step. Notice your breath. Think about each foot touching the ground (right, left, right, left) and the rhythm of the breath (in, out, in, out).
3) Tune into your five senses: What do I see? What do I smell? What do I hear? What does the air taste like? What do I feel?
4) Tune in to the rhythm of your walk, left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot; the rhythm of your walk can be an anchor of awareness to return to throughout the walk.
Remember, there is no right or wrong way to practice mindful walking; use these steps as a guide to finding what feels suitable for you. The goal is to connect with the present moment.
If you’re feeling creative
Think of some other activities where you can similarly practice mindfulness. Here are some examples that I have thought of:
Biking
Kayaking
Rollerblading
Swinging on a swing set
Drawing or painting
Yoga
Dancing
Gardening
Even doing the dishes! (I know that is an inside task but why not?)
Please remember to use proper safety precautions when engaging in any above activities.
Places to Practice Mindfulness in the Chicago Area
No matter where you are in the Chicagoland area, you can find beautiful places to practice mindfulness. As mostly Winnetka-based therapists, we love to visit the beaches along Lake Michigan, the downtown Winnetka bistros, shopping districts, and summer music festivals. Teens, young adults, and parents can get a break from the pressures of school with trails and parks, many near New Trier High School. But honestly, there are amazing places to mindfully walk & find inner peace throughout the Chicago area. So, here are some of our therapists’ other favorite places to practice mindfulness in the Chicago, IL area:
Forest Preserves of Cook County
Feature over 350 miles of paved and unpaved trails and 70,000 acres of wild and preserved land.
Walk along the trail, and tune into your senses. What does it sound like, are there any birds nearby, what does it smell like, do you see any flowers, what do your feet feel like on the trail?
These locations also include trails for walking and biking
The lagoons are lovely to look at and great for kayaking, fishing, and canoeing (rentals available)
Some of these trails are dog-friendly trails to bring your four-legged friend along
Picnic tables are available for an outdoor meal
Birds, deer, and other wildlife nearby- maybe try your hand at some photography.
Lake Michigan
Walk alongside the lake, and notice the temperature change, the breeze, and the sand. What does it smell like, and what do the waves sound like?
Kayaks and paddleboards available for rental
Some local beaches may offer yoga or various forms of exercise on the beach; check-in in with your town to see what it has to offer.
Mindfully play in the sand, notice the texture, how the sand changes when mixed with water, and watch the hand fall between your fingers.
The Chicago Botanic Garden
Walk around and explore the many different gardens of the Chicago Botanic Garden. This year the Chicago Botanic Garden is celebrating 50 years and is featuring a variety of garden exhibits for individuals to explore.
28 gardens and four natural areas on 385 acres, consisting of nine different islands.
Take classes, stroll the property, or sit on a bench and take in these gardens' sights, smells, sounds, and even tastes.
Counseling Services in Chicago, IL
Mindfulness can have a huge impact on a person’s mental health. Still, you may sometimes need more support in the form of a professional counselor or therapist. If you are feeling overwhelmed or need help working through some of life's challenges, please reach out for counseling services. If you live in the state of Illinois, our Winnetka & Chicago based therapists would love to help. Our teen therapists believe in providing evidence based therapy and often incorporate mindfulness into counseling sessions, particularly if you share that you are making efforts to practice mindfulness on your own.
If you are ready to begin therapy, please take the steps below to get started:
Fill out a consult form here.
Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.
Begin working toward better mental health!
Other Mental Health Services in Illinois
Our therapists offer a wide range of mental health services to support your entire family focusing on providing evidence based care including incorporating mindfulness as well as other effective therapies such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and EMDR. addition to anxiety treatment and teen therapy, we also offer counseling for depression, teen counseling, parent counseling, trauma therapy, therapy for work burnout & more. Because we offer online therapy, we are able to help anyone in the state of Illinois. And, our therapists specialize in working with LGBTQIA+ individuals.
So, whatever your mental health needs may be, if you live in Illinois we'd love to provide you the support you're looking for.
What is Self-Care, Really, and What Can it Look Like?
“Self Care” As a Term is Getting Popular
Interest in self-care has been growing of late. According to Google Trends, the number of searches for “self-care” have doubled since 2015. This month the term was at the center of Olympic discourse with Simone Biles withdrawing from her events for her self-care. “Do your self-care” is a mantra in the mental health field. Its meaning is relatively easy to figure out: take care of yourself.
But what does self care really look like?
But what does that mean, really, and what does it look like? The World Health Organization (WHO) defines self-care as “the ability of individuals, families and communities to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and to cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a healthcare provider.” As you can see, self-care is actually a broad concept that encompasses all aspects of a person’s life including hygiene, nutrition, and even environmental and socioeconomic factors.
In simpler terms, as the medically reviewed everydayhealth.com describes it, self-care is taking care of yourself so you can be healthy, well, do your job, help and care for others, and accomplish the things you want to in a day. As Brighid Courtney of the Wellness Council of America say:
“When self-care is regularly practiced, the benefits are broad and have even been linked to positive health outcomes such as reduced stress, improved immune system, increased productivity, and higher self-esteem.”
Self Care is Not Just “Treating Yourself”
Let’s start by making one thing clear: self-care is not the same as self-indulgence. The rallying cry of social media self-care seems to be “treat yourself!” While treating oneself is certainly an aspect of a solid self-care regime, spa days, booze, and retail therapy are not the end all and be all of self-care. Especially if they are just too expensive for you to do on the regular.
Self-care requires having some understanding of what makes yourself tick. What sorts of things make you feel recharged, replenished, and happy?
Maybe its cooking. Maybe it’s definitely not cooking. Maybe it’s living it up Friday night and then taking Saturday to yourself. Maybe it’s time with your kids and time without your kids. There are those opposites again. I have yet to meet a parent who does not savor both time with and away from their children.
Types of Self Care
As you may have gathered from the WHO definition above there are different types of self-care. Let’s take a look at a few so we can get closer to that answer of what self-care can look like:
Emotional Self-Care
This can include positive self-talk, a monthly massage, weekly bubble bath, saying “no” to things that cause unnecessary stress (including work requests!), scheduling a regular lunch date with a friend, or giving yourself permission to take a break.
Physical Self-Care
Physical self care can mean getting enough sleep on the regular, eating nourishing foods, finding some sort of exercise/physical activity routine that you can actually stick with (make it something you like rather than a chore), and getting your annual physical with your doctor.
Spiritual Self-Care
Spiritual self-care can be attending religious services but it can also be taking time to meditate or find a “guided imagery” video on YouTube, identifying three good things that happen each day, or keeping a gratitude journal or photo series. This can also include spending time in nature or any place that is peaceful for you.
Temporary Self-Care
These are acts or activities wherein you will benefit but the act but the benefit does not last for long after you finish. This could be the social connection of time with a friend or the calming effect of listening to a favorite playlist or taking a ten-minute break at work.
Enduring Self-Care
These acts have longer-term effects. This could mean reducing or quitting cigarettes, regular exercise that maintains muscle tone as you age or strengthens your heart. This could also mean mindfulness practices that over time lead to physical brain changes. Identifying three good things every day is one of my favorite mindfulness practices to teach clients because it is simple to do, takes little time, and has had demonstrable positive effects.
A Quick Aside for Three Good Things
I feel I should explain what this activity is as I have mentioned it twice. “Three good things” is any good thing that happened throughout the day. They do not have to be big like the completion of a project at work. And they are certainly not negatives wrapped in a positive like “My boss didn’t yell at me today.”
They are little things like:
· The sky is blue today.
· I saw a dog.
· I made it through that light before it turned yellow.
· A song I like played on the radio.
· A meme made me laugh.
I encourage clients to write these things down at first. Not necessarily to keep but to take note of and make sure they hit three a day. Over time one becomes able to find the three good things automatically, and frequently it becomes far more than just three things.
Let’s Summarize
At the end of the day, self-care is anything that helps you de-stress, carve out time for yourself, and bring you happiness. Even if it is just stepping outside to take a deep breath – that is quality self-care!
It can also be making daily tasks more enjoyable. You can pick a soap you particularly like the smell of and focus on the physical sensations of showering: the feeling of water hitting your skin, the sound within your shower, the smell of your soap… for even 10 minutes in the shower this is a more mindful and centering way to go about it rather than letting your brain run hog wild over all the stressful things awaiting you today.
Self Care Resources
If you would like more resources on the various ways you can do self-care here are just a few to get your started on this extensive topic:
Self-Care and Self-Compassion from U. of Toledo
9 Signs You Need Better Self-Care and May Be a Trauma Survivor
Taking Mindfulness Walks in the Chicago, IL area
Why Does Self-Care Sometimes Feel So Hard?
Why Self-Care Can Help You Manage Stress
7 Elements of Self-Care from Silver Hill Hospital
Here at Obsidian, our therapists love what we do and we always do our best to give you the best we possibly can. If you ever need help or guidance, please do not hesitate to contact us at the following:
Executive Dysfunction: Why the Easiest Tasks are So Hard
Are you a person who has struggled their whole life with staying organized, focused, or on time? Are you a person who has lately noticed that you just can’t make yourself do even the most simple of tasks? Maybe the laundry has been in the dryer for four days and you just haven’t folded it. Or the dishwasher needs to be unloaded, and it will take less than five minutes, but it just doesn’t get done. Or you stand in the middle of the room either wondering what you were about to do or questioning what you should do next.
If you are, you may be experiencing Executive Dysfunction.
Our executive functions are a broad group of mental skills that allow us to complete a wide range of tasks and engage with others. This includes:
· Focus and concentration
· Managing time
· Organization and planning
· Processing and analyzing information
· Problem solving
· Remembering details
These functions are higher order skills and take time to develop which is why children can struggle with organizing their lives, staying focused, etc. but improve as they get older. An impairment in these skills, that is to say executive dysfunction, is not a standalone condition but can be a feature of multiple mental health diagnoses including ADHD, Bipolar disorders, Alzheimer’s, and depression. Brain injuries, particularly to the frontal lode, can also cause problems with executive functioning.
When it is part of a diagnosable disorder like those mentioned above executive dysfunction can be a life-long struggle. But it can also be a symptom of, hopefully, temporary struggles. Non-disorder causes can included:
· Exhaustion
· Severe pain
· Stress
· Distracting environments
· Drug or alcohol use
· Severe boredom
In these cases, once the cause is eliminated the executive dysfunction dissapte. At the time of this writing, the US is coping with a pandemic and related quarantine measures. The stress thereof, and even the boredom of staying home without one’s regular schedule and activities, can contribute to executive dysfunction.
Individuals with even a mild level of executive dysfunction may recognize in themselves some of the following symptoms:
· Trouble planning, organizing, starting, or completing tasks
· Trouble listening or paying attention
· Short term memory issues
o such as remembering something that was just said
· Issues with “multitasking” or balancing tasks
o such as starting and stopping multiple chores without finishing any of them.
· Difficulty in learning or processing new information
Moderate to severe dysfunction, such as seen in some individuals with ADHD, Autism and Alzheimer’s can appear as:
· Trouble controlling emotions and impulses
· Socially inappropriate behavior
· Inability to learn from past consequences
Any of these symptoms of executive dysfunction can lead to poor work or school performance, problems with forming and maintaining relationships, low motivation, loss of interest in activities, avoidance of difficult tasks, and low mood.
So What Can Be Done?
There is no medication to make executive dysfunction go away, although there is evidence that stimulant medications can help with some aspects of executive dysfunction for those with a long-term diagnosis. In addition to this, and/or if you believe your symptoms are because of a temporary cause, a professional therapist can help you learn how to improve your time management, your work habits, focus, and managing your work and living space.
Some find benefit from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) as it can teach a person how to self-monitor thoughts and behaviors as well as social skills training to help one learn culturally appropriate responses in social situations.
If you would like to speak to any of us here at Obsidian Counseling about helping you with symptoms like this please do not hesitate to reach out to us. You can contact us at the following:
Ilyssa Lasky –
(224) 255-4411
Kari Holman –
(847) 450-0460
kariholmancounseling@gmail.com
Resources:
ADDitude – Children’s Executive Functions
ADDitude – Treatments and Strategies
Headway Brain Injury Association