Overcoming the Winter Blues: Effective Anxiety and Depression Treatment

As the winter season sets in, many individuals find themselves grappling with the "winter blues," a term used to describe the onset of anxiety and depression during the colder months. The combination of reduced daylight, colder temperatures, and the challenges of the season can take a toll on mental health. In this blog post, we'll explore effective strategies and treatments for overcoming the winter blues, offering hope and support for those navigating anxiety and depression.

Understanding Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD):

Seasonal Affective Disorder, aptly acronymed as SAD, is a type of depression that occurs at specific times of the year, typically during the fall and winter months when sunlight exposure is limited. The lack of natural light can disrupt the body's internal clock and lead to symptoms such as low energy, changes in sleep patterns, and a persistent feeling of sadness.

Light Therapy:

Light therapy, also known as phototherapy, is a common and effective treatment for SAD. This involves exposure to a bright light that mimics natural sunlight. The light helps regulate melatonin and serotonin levels, alleviating symptoms of depression and improving mood. Consider incorporating daily light therapy sessions into your routine to combat the winter blues.

Regular Exercise:

Exercise has been proven to be a powerful antidote to depression and anxiety. Engaging in regular physical activity boosts endorphin levels, which are neurotransmitters associated with improved mood. Whether it's a brisk walk, a home workout, or a fitness class, finding an exercise routine that suits your preferences can make a significant difference in managing the winter blues.

Counseling and Therapy:

Seeking professional support through counseling or therapy can be instrumental in overcoming anxiety and depression. A trained therapist can help you explore and address the root causes of your winter blues, provide coping strategies, and offer a supportive space for self-reflection. Talking about your feelings and experiences can be a crucial step toward healing.

Mindfulness and Meditation:

Practicing mindfulness and meditation can be effective in managing symptoms of anxiety and depression. These techniques encourage staying present in the moment, reducing the impact of negative thoughts and worries. Incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine, even for just a few minutes, can contribute to a more positive mindset.

Balanced Nutrition:

Nutrition plays a vital role in mental health. Ensure your diet includes a variety of nutrient-rich foods, such as fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. Omega-3 fatty acids, found in fish and flaxseeds, have been linked to improved mood and can be beneficial in combating the winter blues.

Social Connection:

Maintaining social connections, even in the midst of winter, is crucial for mental well-being. Whether through virtual meetups, phone calls, or in-person gatherings when possible, staying connected with friends and loved ones provides emotional support and combats feelings of isolation.

While the winter blues can be challenging, effective treatment options are available to help individuals overcome anxiety and depression. Whether through light therapy, exercise, counseling, mindfulness, nutrition, or social connection, a holistic approach can make a significant impact. If you or someone you know is struggling with the winter blues, know that support is available, and there are ways to bring warmth and light into the colder months. Remember, reaching out for professional help is a sign of strength, and together, we can overcome the winter blues and embrace the brighter days ahead.

How Anxiety Affects Relationships

As human beings, we crave connections with each other emotionally and physically. If you struggle with anxiety, you are probably familiar with the ways that this condition can negatively affect the quality of your connections. Anxiety can be harmful to your friendships, familial attachments, and intimate relationships when left unchecked. To maintain well-rounded relationships in every aspect of your life, it is essential to develop effective healthy and coping methods for your anxiety.

What does anxiety look like?

            Anxiety is an excessive or persistent worry about various aspects of your life that can last anywhere from a few minutes to a few days. This can be related to academics, finances, careers, family or have unknown causes. Anxiety symptoms will typically leave you feeling nervous, on edge, tired, as if it is hard to concentrate or that there is imminent risk.

How Does Anxiety Affect Relationships?

“My family thinks that I am incompetent”

“My partner could do so much better than me”

“My loved one is going to leave and I will be alone forever”

These negative beliefs and sometimes irrational thought patterns are created by anxiety. The constant thoughts rooted in anxiety begin to affect your emotions and behaviors resulting in overdependence, jealousy, isolation, rejection and a lack of communication. The presence of anxious responses erects barriers to intimacy and deeper connections.

Breaks trust and connections

·      Preoccupation with what could happen instead of what is happening

·      Needing constant reassurance or becoming clingy

Creates procrastination and tension

·      You may find yourself avoiding time with friends and family or holding back from taking big steps with a partner

·      Your partner, friends or family might begin to treat you differently in an attempt to not trigger your anxiety, creating tension

Leads to isolation

·      Feeling frustrated when your partner does not worry in the same way you do

·      Feeling that you are alone in your anxiety or that others view you and your anxiety negatively

What Can I Do?

Live in the moment

• Pause and think about what you know will happen rather than what you don’t know

Develop independent coping strategies

• It is okay to ask loved ones for help, but you do not want to become dependent

Find ways to relive tension

•  Meditation, breathing exercises, physical activity

Fostering your relationships while struggling with anxiety seems challenging but seeking professional help may be the first step to managing your experience. Gaining a better understanding of how your anxiety affects your relationships is important to their growth. Therapy can help to provide independent coping methods that will limit patterns of anxious thoughts and behaviors in your daily life.

 CONSIDER Relational THERAPY IN CHICAGO, IL

Feeling like you are aren’t good enough can significantly impact your mental health. In this case, it may be helpful to seek counseling. That’s why the online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL, offer therapy directed at increasing self-confidence and decreasing those negative thoughts feeding the imposter syndrome in Illinois via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home. Take the steps below to get started.

1.     Fill out a consult form here.

2.     Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.

3.     Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!

OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS

When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people address anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.

Parenting When You're Feeling Anxious: 4 Tips for Success

Parenting When You’re Feeling Anxious

Effective Parenting Strategies while Experiencing Anxiety and Depression

Anxiety and depression are common mental health disorders that can have a major impact on your life. If you are a parent who is struggling with anxiety or depression, you may feel like you are not able to properly care for your children. You may be worried about what will happen to your children if you are not able to cope with your mental health disorder. It is important, however, to remember that you are not alone. There are many resources available to help you cope with your anxiety or depression and to be the best parent you can be. We have developed 4 important and effective tips to help guide you during challenging times. 

 Here are 4 parenting tips for when you are feeling anxious or depressed

1. Practice Self Care 

Parents oftentimes forget to do simple things to take care of their bodies and mind. As a parent struggling with your own mental health challenges, it is even more crucial to do things that help you feel good. This includes eating healthy, exercising, and getting the right amount of sleep. Additionally, try things like meditation, yoga, and practicing gratitude. Although none of these are a cure, they do have a powerful impact on how you feel. 

2. Be Mindful of Your Words  

It is important to be mindful of the words you use when talking to yourself and when parenting your child. As a depressed or anxious parent, you may find yourself engaging in negative self-talk. This type of language can worsen anxiety and depression. Try to replace negative inner dialog with positive affirmations and self-care. This can help manage thoughts and feelings of hopelessness, guilt, and worthlessness that can come with parenting when you are feeling out of sorts. Similarly, using language that is too critical or harsh can lead to your child feeling judged or scared. Instead, practice using positive and encouraging language that helps your child focus on their strengths and abilities. Words such as “I can see how hard you're trying” and “I am proud of you for not giving up” can help kids with anxious parents feel supported, loved, and encouraged.   

3. Find a Support System  

A good support system is crucial for navigating parenting when you are feeling anxious or depressed. Reach out to trusted family members, close friends, or healthcare professionals who can provide a listening ear and comfort when needed. Creating a support system can help you take back some of the control you might be feeling about your mental health disorder. Finding support will also provide you with people you can turn to during tough times. You may also find that talking to others is a wonderful way to gain insight into how to better handle your anxious or depressed thoughts and emotions. If you have a partner it is important to remember that a supportive partner can be a major source of comfort as well. Lean on your partner and other members of your support system during challenging times. Talking it out and knowing that you are not alone can make all the difference.  

4. Seek Professional Help if Necessary 

 Your doctor or mental health professional can help you create a plan of action if you feel like your anxiety is becoming unmanageable. Having professional guidance can help you learn effective coping mechanisms for your anxiety and teach you how to manage your mental health disorder in a healthy way. In addition to private therapy, there are many other professional resources available to help parents with anxiety. Some include group therapy sessions and support groups, where you can connect with other parents who are dealing with similar issues. Having access to resources like these can be an invaluable source of support, comfort, and advice. It is important to remember that there are many options available for dealing with anxiety and depression, and seeking professional help, if necessary, can be a great first step in managing your mental health disorder and being the best parent, you can be. 

Receiving the best mental health services from Obsidian Counseling & Wellness

Anxiety and depression can be difficult emotions to deal with, but it is possible to effectively parent despite feeling this way. However, it can be difficult to do so. If you are feeling like your depression and anxiety are getting in the way of parenting or have reached a level that you cannot manage on your own, please contact Obsidian Counseling & Wellness. Our team will help you develop a plan to manage your mental health issues and give you the tools you need to be the best parent you can be. 

Guide To Yoga Therapy: Realign Your Mind, Body, and Spirit

Guide to Yoga Therapy: Realign Your Mind, Body, and Spirit

Therapy is an extremely important aspect of your mental health

Therapy is an effective tool for managing and improving your overall mental health. You may think of therapy as working one-on-one with a therapist, or in some type of group setting with other people who share similar worries or problems. These are extremely useful therapeutic methods and can help you achieve your mental health goals. There are other therapeutic interventions proven to be effective as well. Everyone is familiar with Yoga as a physical activity and relaxation method, but it comes as a surprise to many others that Yoga therapy is beneficial in the treatment of many physical and psychological challenges.  

Yoga Therapy is an effective therapeutic modality for many people

Like any other treatment modality, it is crucial to understand just what Yoga therapy is, how it works, and when can it be the right choice for you. First off, let us look at some of the issues that yoga therapy can help with. Harvard Health Publishing reports that Yoga therapy can benefit people with depression, anxiety, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)*. With a significant amount of people across the globe who suffer from these disorders, it is an important thing to have an additional tool such as yoga therapy for treatment. While yoga therapy may not fully address all your needs, it is something that can be coupled with other types of therapies or medication. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is the most common intervention used to treat anxiety, but research has shown that Yoga therapy offers a promising alternative and/or complimentary treatment method.  

The focus of yoga therapy is learning how to focus on yourself

Yoga therapy focuses on understanding yourself. It takes the tools of yoga practice such as movement of the body (asana), breath work (pranayama), meditation, and counseling expertise and tailors them to you. Yoga therapy is a whole person perspective where you consider your mind, body, and spirit at once. For example, with the assistance of yoga therapy, instead of just focusing on the sensation of physical pain, you can start to be curious and see if there is a reason you are constantly getting migraines. 

Yoga Therapists are more than just yoga instructors

Yoga therapists take traditional yoga poses and modify them to meet the mental health needs of those using them. Specific poses and breathing exercises are given to maximize relaxation and stress relief. Remember that yoga therapists are required to train for hundreds of hours before becoming certified. While yoga instructors are great at what they do, yoga therapists have expertise in utilizing yoga techniques specifically for mental health purposes.  

Yoga is about balance, not just physical balance, but emotional and psychological as well. One goal of yoga therapy is to empower you to regain that psychological balance that has been knocked off course or missing. There is a strong two-way partnership between therapist and patient in yoga therapy. It is ideal for patients who are invested in taking an active role in their treatment. 

There are several important benefits of yoga therapy. The more people learn about it, the more it will be utilized in treatment. Here are a few of the most notable benefits: 

• Learning relaxation techniques and calming methods 

• Being educated on how to adapt to changing or demanding situations 

• Understanding how to keep your focus and balance 

How Yoga Therapy can become an important part of your life

Yoga therapy can improve your mental health as discussed in this article. There is still a lot of research being conducted on just how effective yoga therapy is, but most signs point to it having some comparable results as anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications. Many people want to avoid medication as much as possible, and yoga therapy is a good way to see if that is possible. The highly skilled team at Obsidian Counseling and Wellness can help you figure out if Yoga therapy is right for you, and to help you get started with a customized program that meets your needs. Contact Obsidian at https://www.obsidiancounseling.com/contact or 224.255.4411. 

* https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/yoga-for-better-mental-health 

4 Tips for Transitioning from High School to College

Welcome to College

Congrats to you! Completing high school and moving on to college is an exciting time of life. There is newfound independence and opportunities to try different things. There are also new and challenging responsibilities. With so much change happening all at once, it is common to experience nervousness, hesitation, and anxiety at the mere thought of college. Managing these feelings can be difficult, but utilizing some important tips and tools is a good way to create a smooth transition.

4 Tips for Smooth Transitioning to College

1.     Fine-tune time management skills. Time management habits gained thus far will need to be adjusted and/or enhanced. College will test your time management skills almost immediately. Adapting to a new type of school schedule coupled with studying and other activities is a critical component of a smooth transition.

2.     Get involved. First off, make sure to attend class. It is not always easy to show up. Especially when taking attendance is not routine in most classes, particularly in large lectures. Attending class will help you become more comfortable with your peers and your surroundings. Additionally, joining clubs or extracurricular activities gives you opportunities to socialize and feel part of something.

3.     Take care of body and mind. You are now responsible for feeding yourself. A major component of a healthy lifestyle is diet. Ensure you eat healthily. This seems like a simple thing, but so many times nutrition is forgotten. Also, exercise or engage in an activity that relieves stress and makes you happy. Having a healthy body and mind is crucial for success.

4.     Use available resources when needed. You may need assistance adjusting to a new environment, or just managing emotions. Most colleges and universities have resources such as social workers, counselors, or other professionals with the experience and expertise in giving you the tools needed to succeed. Do not hesitate to seek out help if you exhibit feelings of being overwhelmed or overly anxious.

You Are Not Alone

It is very normal to experience homesickness and loneliness when starting college. Following the tips above is a good way to help combat those feelings. Remember that most of your cohort feels the same way and that you are not alone. Reach out to your support system or mental health specialists if needed. Starting college does not mean you have everything figured out and are fully ready to be on your own. It takes time and oftentimes requires help.

How Therapy Can Help

If you or a family member anticipate having a difficult time transitioning to college, attending therapy sessions prior may be something to consider. Therapy can help provide useful and constructive tools needed to adjust to new surroundings and a new way of life. The experienced team at Obsidian Counseling and Wellness is available to provide counseling and therapy to those who need some extra help adjusting to college life.

5 Tips to Stop the Cycle of Imposter Syndrome

Do you ever say to yourself…

“Success is no big deal. It’s all down to luck.” 

“When are they going to find out I’m actually no good at this?”

“I feel like a fake.”

“I’m a fraud.”

“I must not fail.”

If you do you might be experiencing Imposter Syndrome. Also sometimes called “perceived fraudulence," imposter syndrome is a strong feeling of self-doubt and incompetence despite evidence to the contrary. That evidence may include your education, experience, or accomplishments.

Imposter syndrome is often found in high achieving people, women, and underrepresented racial, ethnic, religious, and gender and sexuality minorities. It overrides any feelings of success or external evidence of competence. It is marked by fears that past accomplishments will not be replicated or that others will find out or “unmask” a person as a fraud who does not actually know as much as everyone thought they did.

This internal struggle frequently contributes to increasing anxiety, depression, less risk-taking in careers, and burnout.

Anyone can be affected by imposter syndrome. It can be found in BIPOC individuals who work or study in predominately white spaces. It can be found in first-generation college students or white-collar employees. It can also be found in trans and nonbinary individuals who experience a pervasive fear of not being “man/woman enough” and therefore will not be seen by the world.

Does this sound like you?

Imposter syndrome is not uncommon. Some studies show as many as 82% of people experience imposter syndrome at some point in their lives. That’s basically everybody.

A Cycle of Anxiety, Depression and Burnout

The problem with imposter syndrome is it becomes a cycle. No matter how hard you work you always wind up in the same spot.

These constant swings of anxiety and depression wreak havoc on your body and your brain’s ability to function and cope. You may notice yourself late to work because you just couldn’t make yourself get out of bed or leave the house on time or get out of the car when you arrive.

That is your brain trying to protect you from what it sees as a highly negative and unpleasant space. Unfortunately, you may also interpret this as further evidence of your fraudulence in addition to repercussions for arriving late to work.

And while a little anxiety can galvanize us, too much wears out the system. Both your body and your mind become exhausted and this can lead to depression. Depression will then echo the feelings of being an imposter because depression is nothing if not a big, fat, negative liar.

 Overtime this continuous cycle of anxiety and depression will result in burnout. Burnout can then result in dropped productivity, fewer results, or more sick days. This then becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy of inadequacy that is difficult to recover from without help. Cleveland Clinic has some additional information on burnout.

Why Does Imposter Syndrome Happen?

How imposter syndrome develops in any given person is idiosyncratic, meaning it is unique to the individual. The why of imposter syndrome, however, is fairly straight forward: we are privy to our inner thoughts when nobody else is, and we know how much effort we put in because we were there the whole time.

The kicker, of course, is nobody else knows all of that unless we say something. But part of the fear of imposter syndrome is being found out as, well, an imposter. So, people who struggle with it find themselves incapable of sharing these experiences and doubts with others.

For BIPOC and queer individuals there is the added difficulty of being made to feel like a space was not build with them in mind. This study encourages a reconceptualization of imposter syndrome for these populations that moves away from internal insecurities—as has been the prevailing approach with white populations—towards the environmental factors that elicit these imposter feelings.

As an example, if an African-American interviews for an upper management position but everyone in the office is European-American it is natural to feel this space was not created with him in mind. Or for a Muslim who is subtly told by management she should not walk away from her desk to perform Salah (praying towards Mecca).

Imposter Syndrome Looks Different for Everyone

We can break down imposter syndrome into five basic types: the perfectionist, the expert, the natural genius, the soloist, and the super person.

The Perfectionist:

What it looks like: In this brand of imposter syndrome, you must be absolutely perfect. Otherwise, you could have done better. The perfectionist sets exceptionally high goals. When these goals are not met serious self-doubt sets in.

How to spot one: The perfectionist can…

• be accused of micromanaging,

• have difficulty in delegating,

• and feel their work must be 100% perfect 100% of the time.

 The accompanying thought: I’m not as good as others think I am.

 The Expert:

What it looks like: Here, imposter syndrome convinces the expert they must know everything that can possibly be known about a certain topic/subject. Otherwise, they have not mastered the subject and will be exposed as unknowledgeable or inexperienced.

How to spot one: The expert might… 

• shudder when called an expert

• shy away from applying for jobs unless they meet every single educational requirement,

• constantly seek trainings and/or certifications with the belief they need to improve their skills in order to succeed,

• still feel they don’t “know enough” even if they have been in their role for some time

The accompanying thought: If there is still more to learn then I’m not an expert.

The Natural Genius:

What it looks like: With this type, you may feel like a fraud because you don’t believe you are naturally intelligent or competent. This type judges competence by speed and ease rather than effort. If it takes too long to master, they feel shame.

How to spot one: The natural genius…

• is used to succeeding without much effort,

• was told they were the “smart one” as a child,

• feels shame and low confidence when faced with setbacks,

• avoids challenges because it is so uncomfortable to try something they aren’t great at,

• dislikes the idea of having a mentor because they can “handle things on their own.”

The accompanying thought: I didn’t get it right the first time. It’s taking me longer to master this skill than it should. I’m an imposter.

The Soloist:

What it looks like: The soloist is afraid to ask for help for fear they will be exposed as a phony.

How to spot one: The soloist…

• may firmly believe they need to accomplish everything on their own,

• frames requests for help in terms of requirements for the project/task at hand rather than their needs as a person,

• may rebuff offers to help by saying “I don’t need anyone’s help.”

The accompanying thought: If I couldn’t get here on my own am I really that competent?

The Super-Person:

 What it looks like: The super-person struggles with the belief they must be the hardest worker and/or reach the highest levels of achievement possible. They may also be convinced they are a phony hiding amongst others who are “the real deal.”

How to spot one: The super-person may…

• stay later at the office than anyone else even after completing the day’s necessary work,

• get stressed when not working and find “downtime” to be a complete waste,

• let hobbies and passions drop out of their lives in favor of work,

• and does not feel like they have truly earned their title/position despite a pile of achievements, and thus feel compelled to work harder and longer to prove their worth.

The accompanying thought: If I’m not the best I’m a fraud.

Can I Stop Feeling Like an Imposter?

Yes! You very much can. It will not be easy, but you absolutely can. Here are some steps to get you started:

Step 1: Focus on the Facts

Imposter syndrome tricks you into thinking you aren’t qualified for what you are doing. These emotions, however, are typically based in fear rather than fact. Separating your feelings from the facts is a great strategy for combating imposter syndrome.

Easier said than done, we know. You can start with some confidence building through your very own SWOT analysis. That’s “strength, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats.” It’s used by businesses but there’s no reason you can’t use it for yourself!

Step 2: Acknowledge, Validate, and Let Go:

The first step said to focus on the facts. However, that does not mean your feelings are not valid. Feelings are always valid. It’s just what we do with them that makes the difference. That means combating imposter syndrome is not about ignoring your feelings. It means acknowledging they are there but knowing they do not necessarily reflect reality.

For example, feeling unqualified does not mean you actually are. It is absolutely okay, and recommended, to say “I am feeling unqualified. That’s okay. Now I’m going to let those feelings go.”

Step 3: Reframe Your Thoughts

Thoughts are powerful. If they were not, we wouldn’t experience things like imposter syndrome. Thoughts shape how we see the world and ourselves, and thus shape our reality. Sometimes this is a positive thing and others it’s negative.

If you reframe your thoughts about yourself and set realistic goals your mind will change overtime and ultimately see yourself as deserving of your position/place/achievements.

For example, if you find yourself thinking “I don’t deserve this position” try “I may feel insecure right now but I would not have been placed in this position if I wasn’t capable.”

Step 4: Share How You Feel

Imposter syndrome can feel very isolating so this is, of course, easier said than done. Challenge yourself to reach out and talk to someone you trust and share your concerns.

This can be a colleague, a teammate, a supervisor, a friend or a partner. Sharing how you feel with another also provides a strange little confidence boost because you had the guts to do so! This is a direct attack on the isolation of imposter syndrome – good job!

Finding a mentor, if possible, can also be a good idea. Someone in your field that you look up to and can have a frank conversation with about how they have improved their skills and what challenges they have had.

We assure you that everyone struggles even if that thing is easy for them now. Yes, even, if they pretend they didn’t. It’s a fair bet that’s their own imposter syndrome talking.

Step 5: Learn from Your Peers

It’s hard not to compare ourselves to our peers. We often wind up thinking we’re the worst one by comparison. The truth is no one is a master at everything. But! Everyone is a master of something. You might be the office Excel guru or the one person on your team that can explain how to execute this play.

When working or engaging with your peers you can exchange your knowledge for learning new skills. Try to avoid the habit of comparing yourself to others. Acknowledge the value you add to the group while learning new things from your peers.

Step 6: Congratulate Yourself Once in a While

Combat your imposter syndrome head on – celebrate your accomplishments! The next time you feel good about something you’ve done share it with your colleagues or someone outside of that setting that you trust. Maybe treat yourself to a pizza!

If you believe your life is shaped by your actions, your choices, and your decisions you can then take responsibility for your achievements, as well. Take credit for the expertise and skill that helped you reach your goal or complete that project.

Another good idea is to keep a record of positive feedback and praise, even if it’s a brief “Good job!” text message. Then, the next time you hear that negative voice inside you can review those positive messages.

Can Obsidian Help Me Recover from Imposter Syndrome? 

All challenges are easier to overcome when you have a trusted partner at your back. Obsidian’s team of therapists are skilled and experienced with imposter syndrome. Professional, we mean, though maybe personally, too! 

CONSIDER Imposter Symdrome THERAPY IN CHICAGO, IL

Feeling like you are aren’t good enough can significantly impact your mental health. In this case, it may be helpful to seek counseling. That’s why the online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL, offer therapy directed at increasing self-confidence and decreasing those negative thoughts feeding the imposter syndrome in Illinois via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home. Take the steps below to get started.

1.     Fill out a consult form here.

2.     Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.

3.     Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!

OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS

When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people address anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.

8 Signs of a Highly Sensitive Person; Are You One?

Have you ever been told “you are too sensitive”, “stop overthinking”, “why do you cry so much” or “toughen up”? You could be one in the 15-20% of the population who identify as highly sensitive people/person (HSP).

Sensitivity also has a cultural aspect to it. In cultures where sensitivity is mocked, these negative messages can make HSPs have low self-esteem and made to feel like there is something wrong with them.

A highly sensitive person is someone who has an increased or deeper central system sensitivity to physical, emotional, or social stimuli. Being highly sensitive is not a disorder or a diagnosis. It is a personality trait and an innate temperament of a person like being an extrovert. The term highly sensitive person was first coined by Elaine and Arthur Aron in the mid 1990’s.

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE AN HSP?

This trait can look different in everyone but if you have these common characteristics, you could be an HSP:

• You avoid violent movies or TV shows because you feel them to be too intense and they leave you feeling unsettled

• You are deeply moved by beauty, be it classical music, art, nature or even a kind action

• You are easily overwhelmed by sensory stimuli like loud noises, bright lights, strong scents, or even uncomfortable clothing

• You often have a need for downtime after hectic or overstimulated busy days

• You feel an abundance of joy and excitement but can also be overcome by extreme sadness or disappointment

• You are attuned to the atmosphere in the room and are quick to notice minute changes in the mood of your family, friends, and coworkers.

• You feel anxiety and stress deeply

• You tend to beat yourself up when you fall short of self-imposed expectations.

WHAT CAUSES HIGH SENSITIVITY

Evolution has shown that this trait has its purpose in the survival of the human species. Having people in a group or community who are sensitive and observant to subtle changes whether it be weather related or in the moods of the people around them can help resolve problems early on. Having an HSP in a business or an organization can be incredibly beneficial for the same reasons because they are on the lookout for potential risks or threats.

High sensitivity is also hereditary. Research suggests that a high presence of a certain kind of dopamine receptors (involved in arousal and anxiety modulation) affects personality, making those individuals more prone to high sensitivity.

Additionally, a person’s genes may evolve in response to negative childhood experiences like neglect and trauma making them more susceptible to becoming an HSP.

HSPs CAN BE MISTAKEN FOR

Highly sensitive people can be confused for other personality traits and mental conditions, of which the most common include:

• Introvertism - HSPs and introverts are easily overwhelmed by social stimuli, but HSPs are also affected by other sensory factors like lights and sounds

• ADHD – though HSPs and people with ADHD have an over responsiveness to stimuli, HSPs do not show any cognitive impairment such as trouble focusing

• Autism – because of their response to sensory information, HSPs can be mistaken for people with autism. A key difference between the two is that individuals with autism can be hyposensitive or hypersensitive.

THE SUPERPOWERS A HSP POSSESS And ADVANTAGES OF BEING AN HSP

The characteristics of HSPs can create feelings of being overwhelmed and anxious about the world but they can also add a lot of richness and complexity to their inner lives too. HSPs have a greater ability to listen and affirm, a greater empathy and intuitiveness, and a better understanding of wants and needs of others. Being an HSP can offer strengths in relationships and in-depth processing of information.

HOW CAN THERAPY HELP

If you are tired of being overwhelmed and frustrated with yourself because of these characteristics, therapy can help greatly. For many highly sensitive people emotional immunity and sensory immunity strategies to calm and alleviate overstimulation can be key. Another key superpower of being an HSP is they are better able to benefit from psychological interventions, such as counseling. They are better attuned to their feelings. So, therapy can support you in understanding who you are with compassion and caring and also challenge you to explore your inner strengths. You can add tools to your back pocket that can help you such as:

• Help you set up a soothing and calm space

• Help you find work-life balance

• Believe in yourself and your trait

• Reframe your childhood

• Heal from past and present experiences

• Enjoy life more

• Be more relaxed

• Help you focus on your goals

• Add focused positivity to your life

• Help you have better relationships

• Develop boundaries so you can avoid stressors 

Consider Counseling for Highly Sensitive People in CHICAGO, IL

Self-care and mental health are connected: being a highly sensitive person may become too overwhelming that it may be hard to overcome on your own. In this case, it may be helpful to seek counseling. That’s why the Aparna Bhaskaran and our other online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL, offer therapy directed at increasing your mindfulness and stress busting strategies in Illinois via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home. Take the steps below to get started.

1. Fill out a consult form here.

2. Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.

3. Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!

OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS

When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people address anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.

Playful Tips From An Online Therapist Suggesting Recess for Adults

“A laughing body is an inhospitable host to negativity and stress” (Beilock, 2017).

 Take a moment to think about the last time you went outside for a scheduled recess in school. The excitement of getting out of the fluorescent lighting and into the outdoors for unstructured play until the ring of the bell or the call of a teacher summoned you back inside. It's hard for me to remember myself. However, my 7th and 8th-grade middle school no longer had a playground, so I think that the scheduled play time started to ween off around that time.

The “Guilty Pleasure” That is Play For Adults

As adults, we rarely get time out of our schedules specifically for play as adults. Instead, it's something we must seek out. Play is often seen as childish, unproductive, and petty and often is vailed with terms such as guilty pleasure. Why must childishness be viewed as a negative? Tamis-LeMonda suggests that children have the right idea when it comes to playing. She states,

 “They live in the moment. There doesn't have to be a final goal, and they play for the sake of play. The truth is, play is being joyfully immersed in the moment, and as adults, we rarely do that."

 

Can Play Benefit My Life?

This is true! Being fully immersed in the moment has excellent mental health benefits, as does play. Here are just some of the benefits of incorporating more play into your life:

• Releases endorphins -happy chemicals- that make you feel good and elevate your mood

• Decreases stress levels

• Improves brain function

• Improves your relationships

• Stimulates your mind

• Boosts activity

• Increases Energy

What is Play?

Play is often challenging for people to pin down because it is not something that is precisely defined. Play is a mindset and a process rather than one form of activity. Play is voluntary and pleasurable. This is key to understanding why play looks different from person to person. For example, art is a form of play for many individuals; however, if one is commissioned to make a specific art piece for their occupation, this may move the activity outside of the realm of play for the professional artist. Another example is a soccer player playing for the game's challenge, enjoyment, and community versus a soccer player whose sole goal is to win.

Play is the mental approach to activities. The mindset of play often includes wanting to have fun and connecting to joy; the activity will look different from person to person.

A Very Short List of the Endless World of Play

Still, feeling stumped? Here are some ideas for play:

• Play games

  • Board Games

  • Sports

  • Try creating games with those around you

    • A race to the end of the block

    • A game with a ball

    • Have a dance battle

• Carve time out for a hobby

  • Crafts

  • Music

  • Photography

  • Collecting

• Schedule time in a park

• Joke with strangers

  • At the bus stop

  • In the checkout line

• Play with a pet

• Try a new recipe

• Solve puzzles

• Play with young people

  • Since we are borrowing a mindset from children, sometimes it helps to play with them to remember what it’s like

• Be present

• Do something fun with others

I can go on and on; think about what play looks like or can look like for you in your life.

The Benefits of Play; The Three C’s

Yolanda Tyler describes the benefits of play using three C’s:

Community

Play can strengthen our relationships, aid in developing the community, and strengthen our social wellbeing. Play in a community can take many forms, such as a game night with friends, a sports league, arts and crafts, and so much more. Early on, play is one of the first ways we connect with others; when we were younger, we would ask if we could "go play" with our friends. However, over time that language changes, thus removing the emphasis on play. Play reminds us of cooperation with others. There are rules that the community agrees upon to create the spaces in which the play can exist. Play and laughter are essential in building strong and healthy relationships.

Creativity

Play fosters an environment for one to be creative and problem-solve. Through play, our brain can explore new pathways that can lead us to different solutions, ways of thinking, and empathy that would not otherwise be possible without it. Play allows for a safe space to explore and think differently; this is essential to working and daily life. Seems counterintuitive, right? Sometimes to move forward when I'm stuck at work, I need to take a break to play. You might think you do not deserve it; however, setting up time in your day to think differently outside of the work context may just be your way forward.

Cognitive Development

 As previously mentioned, play has been proven to improve brain function, stimulate your mind, and decrease stress levels. Through play, we can strengthen our thinking skills, as well as how to put various skills into practice. Empathy is another skill that is often practiced through play. Through play, one can experience a wide range of emotions in a protected environment, and those emotional regulation skills can translate into one's daily life.

Have I Convinced You To Play Yet?

Long story short, there are so many different reasons that one may benefit from play. While the amount of play each day may vary, a good goal is to incorporate a playful mindset in your day-to-day. Incorporating play into your daily life is an investment in your overall mental and physical well-being. Play is for everyone and most certainly is not a waste of time. So, the question is: What will your “recess” look like?

CONSIDER PARENT THERAPY IN CHICAGO, IL

Self-care and mental health are connected; sometimes, parental stress or burnout may become big enough that it may be hard to overcome on your own. In this case, it may be helpful to seek counseling. That’s why Bailey Seymour, Ilyssa Lasky, and the online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL, offer therapy directed at increasing your confidence and helping you learn to play again in Illinois via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home. Take the steps below to get started.

1.     Fill out a consult form here.

2.     Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.

3.     Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!

OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS

When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people address anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.

5 Self-Care Tips For Parents To Ease Stress & Burnout From A Parent Counselor

Transitioning into the role of parent can be exciting and overwhelming; young people require a great deal of care and attention. Suddenly, your main job is to take care of your kids. This leads parents to restructure their priorities, often moving self-care to the bottom of the list. On social media, self-care is often portrayed as self-indulgence and spoiling oneself. To a parent, this view of self-care may feel frivolous and selfish.

However, I’d like for us to take a moment to reframe self-care from a luxury to a necessity. It is not something that is added to your day as a reward but is woven into each day.

‘True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake; it is making a choice to build a life you don't need to regularly escape from' – Brianna Wiest

Adults need to be cared for just as much as their children. The only difference is that adults can make choices throughout their day to check in with and take care of themselves. If you ask a parent to go a day without taking care of their child, they will look at you shocked and rightfully so.

However, many parents go daily without tending to their needs physically, psychologically, emotionally, socially, professionally, and spiritually. These are necessities for feeling your best. I know that list may sound as if they are more things to add to that never-ending to-do list. However, in the long run, taking care of oneself prevents burnout, makes you feel like your best self and strengthens your relationship with your children.

Why is Self-Care Important for Parents from a parent counselor?

Self-care is connected to mental health; self-care can help to prevent burnout. Growing up, we are taught that we just must do some things: we have to brush our teeth each day, sleep, eat, and see the doctor. However, we often are not told to check in with how we feel or to have compassion for ourselves. By prioritizing self-care just as much as the other necessities, we can feel like our best selves, which will help us be the best parents we can be.

What is Caregiver Burnout?

Burnout, or caregiver burnout, is described as an occupational phenomenon, and if you’re reading this you know being a parent is a full-time job. Parents experiencing burnout may feel:

• Exhaustion or energy depletion that won’t go away

• Increased feelings of negativism, cynicism, or mental distance

• Reduced efficacy

• Increased procrastination and avoidance

• Jealousy of others, i.e., the myth of the "supermom."

• Sense of helplessness

As a parent, this may also look like a change in sleeping or eating habits. Feeling physically unwell with dizziness, an upset stomach, or headaches. Feeling anxious, guilty, unhappy, or lonely. And feeling irritated, withdrawn, sad, or angry for extended periods. Burnout is different than stress. Stress is short-term, and when we experience stress, we can identify an end to the situation and feeling. Burnout is a long-term process and is built up over time. Stress often springs individuals into action and anxiety response, while burnout often results from extended periods of prolonged stress leading to disengagement and blunted or distant emotions.

Teaching your Children Self-Care

The best way to teach your children about self-care is to model it yourself. Through watching you prioritize self-care, your children will also give those habits and behaviors value as they grow. For example, some of your self-care routines can parallel those that you set with your children. This may look like having a family dance party, making a healthy meal together, or taking a family nap after school. Working self-care into your children's lives and your own will make self-care a habit rather than something you can do "if time allows."

Build Your Toolbox: Find Self Care Strategies that Work For you

We've established that self-care does not always need to mean treating yourself, but what else can it be? Below, I've broken self-care down into some categories. For example, starting a habit of self-care may look as simple as choosing one thing from each category to implement daily. Each category includes a few examples of how one may implement that category of self-care. Your self-care will be unique to you, so allow yourself to implement self-care in ways that feel right.

Connect

• Call a loved one you haven’t seen in a while

• Set up a date night with your partner

• Talk to a neighbor

• See a friend

• Join a team, class, volunteer group, etc.

• Connect with coworkers

Move

• Take a walk

• Dance around your kitchen

• Go for a bike ride

• Play the music for a line dance like the YMCA or Macarena (a great one to do with your family)

• Yoga

• Exercise

Recharge

• Try and get enough sleep when possible

• Take breaks to ground yourself

  • Check into your breath

  • What can I see, feel, smell, hear, taste?

  • What does my body feel like?

  • Take a moment to breathe

• Take a break from screens

• Meditate

Maintain

• Set up your doctor’s appointments

• Brush your teeth

• If applicable: take your daily medications

• If applicable: do your physical therapy exercises

• Seek counseling

Play

• Play with your kid’s toys after they go up to bed

• Watch or play a sport

• Play a card or board game with a friend or partner

• Video game time

• Make art

CONSIDER PARENT THERAPY IN CHICAGO, IL

Self-care and mental health are connected; sometimes, parental stress or burnout may become big enough that it may be hard to overcome on your own. In this case, it may be helpful to seek counseling. That’s why the online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL, offer therapy directed at increasing your confidence and helping you make friends in Illinois via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home. Take the steps below to get started.

1.     Fill out a consult form here.

2.     Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.

3.     Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!

OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS

When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people address anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.

5 Tips for Parents To Ease Back To School Anxiety from a Parent Counselor

It always feels like summer just started, whether its on the last day of school or the last week before school reopens. Living in Chicago, we go through the grueling 7, 8 maybe even 9 months of winter, knowing that summer will be waiting with open arms, with the warm lake Michigan’s breeze, lush lawns, beautiful flowers (especially at the Chicago Botanic Gardens), music and art festivals, hikes and so many things.  

We also know that the end of summer brings the return to routine: the start of school, a year of learning and growing, of after-school activities, Fall Ball games, tutors and the mad rush of juggling work, home, and kids’ activities.

So as August rolls around, it is only natural to feel a sense of urgency to soak in every bit of sun and fun. As the weather turns we may find ourselves with a little sadness realizing that we (the kids especially) have grown up a tad bit more.

Back To School Anxiety

The anticipation of getting back to school can trigger an uptick in anxiety in children. If your child comes to you with, ‘Do I HAVE to go to school?’ or ‘Can I just stay home with you?’, know that these questions are normal. Changed and adjustment from summer mode to school mode can be really challenging for all of us. Given that we are still struggling with the aftermath of a pandemic and other such social uncertainties and the overwhelming impact it has had on our mental health, some extra anxiety among children can be expected.

WHAT IS ANXIETY, Again?

Anxiety is a common human emotion of fear, worry and apprehension about what is to come. It is not indicative of any underlying condition or disorder. It can be mild and fleeting or severe and debilitating.

A certain amount of anxiety that is proportionate to the situation you are in can have a positive impact. It is hardwired into our brains (hello, neurons) and helps us be alert and aware so we can detect and attend to threats and avoid danger. These warning properties of anxiety help us focus on important details when making life-changing decisions such as buying a home, interviewing for a new job, or deciding to move to a new city. Do we mull over these choices, playing out every scenario and listing out pros and cons? Yes! That’s our anxiety and it makes us feel secure in our choices afterwards. Imagine feeling no anxiety. You would sift through these decisions with minimal considerations and might end up missing some important detail.

Anxiety can also be a motivation booster and can enhance performance. Research shows that school athletes who have a little anxiety do better at their sporting events. This is due to the surge in adrenaline and the action of the sympathetic nervous system that gets our heart pumping and pushes us to do our very best.

However, some of us find it hard to control our anxiety and it becomes second nature to us. Always feeling on edge and keyed up with worrying thoughts can affect daily life and can be draining.

 HOW DOES ANXIETY SHOW UP IN KIDS?

Anxiety does not discriminate on the basis of age. It can be seen in people ranging from infancy to adulthood.

Back to school anxiety is common and understandable. It is familiar and age old, that is a rite of passage for every school-going kid and their parent(s). Even the most easy-going kid has some butterflies in their stomach on the first day of school. Be it the transition from summer to school, starting school for the first time, a new school, absence of a friend in class, past experiences with a bully, etc., young children have a lot on their minds. Teens worry about navigating peer and group friendships, romantic relationships, an increase in workload and academic expectations, to name just a few.

Some children get over these anxious concerns fairly quickly as they settle into a routine and make friends, while others struggle a little more. As a parent, you can look for signs to gauge if your child needs additional help to better understand and support them in this transition.

WHAT DOES A PARENT COUNSELOR RECOMMEND YOU LOOK FOR?

Anxiety can take on different faces, making it complex to identify. It can be easier to identify in a nervous or clingy child, a child who needs constant reassurance, or in a child who starts having trouble with bedwetting. Other times, it can be hard to identify or pinpoint because it looks like something else altogether. Some of the signs, you and teachers can look out for are:

Inattention:

Very often, fidgetiness and squirminess are jotted down as symptoms of ADHD. But an anxious child can display these very same phenomena as a result of their worried thoughts, making it hard for them to concentrate in class.

Disruptive behavior:

When children are feeling anxious and don’t know how to regulate their emotions, the amygdala, which is the part of the brain that controls stress responses, automatically gets activated. This releases hormones that prepare the body for a flight or fight response. So, when a child is anxious in school, it can show up as aggressiveness such as picking fights, throwing tantrums or breaking things.

Falling behind on homework:

Anxious children are often very self-critical. They doubt their abilities and are scared to be judged by their peers and/or their teachers. As a result, they don’t want to turn in their homework and/or can fall behind on their schoolwork. This behavior can sometimes be mistaken for laziness or disinterest.

Falling sick often:

Anxiety can cause an increased heart rate, sweatiness of the palms and shortness of breath. It can also present as a bunch of symptoms that affect our physical body, perhaps not as obviously as the ones listed above. If a child is having unexplained headaches, upset stomach, muscle soreness and/or nausea, these could be symptoms of anxiety.

TIPS FOR PARENTS FROM A PARENT COUNSELOR

As parents, you can help ease your children into the new school year. Encouraging them to share their thoughts about what troubles them and validating them is a great way to keep the door open for future conversations. Some children will be ready to share every minute detail of their day with you, while others will answer in monosyllables or single-word responses. Either way, they are taking it in and listening to you. You are showing them that you are there for them and are ready to have discussions on feelings and emotions.

A few strategies that have proved useful for me have been:

Preparing for the new school routine:

Summer times call for movie nights, beach trips and late bedtimes. For young children, talking about the start of the school year a few weeks prior and preparing them for the upcoming routine can help. Think about using a ‘social story’ which allows you use story telling to walk them through what they should expect during the first day of school. It may sound something like this:

Tomorrow morning you will wake up for school. You may feel different feelings. I will walk into your room and say good morning to you and give you a big hug! You will then go to the bathroom, brush your teeth, have some eggs for breakfast and we walk together to school.

When we get to school, your teacher will say hello to you and you will sit with your friends on the lawn until everyone is ready to go inside together. Then, you will spend the day learning in your classroom, have lunch, and soon enough I will be back at 3:00 p.m. to pick you up from school.

You can include any information you want in the social story. You can even include information about bathroom breaks during school, cafeteria chaos, standing in lunch lines, and packing up for dismissal in the social story.

Additionally, we start going to bed at the time we would on a ‘school night’. Less sleep can cause crankiness and increase vulnerability to anxiety. A few weeks before school starts, we visit the school a few times and talk about school bus schedules, pickups, and after-school activities. We slowly start ‘screen withdrawal’ a few days before start of school.

Being positive:

We talk about the things we miss about school – favorite teachers, PE classes, art activities and playground time. We go shopping for school supplies together and maybe get a new lunch bag or school bag and pick out a back-to-school outfit. These activities can help kids focus on exciting things to look forward to that are associated with school.

Connecting with friends:

Assure your kids that they are not alone. Their friends are probably ‘nervous-excited’ too about the start of school.

We try to meet with a couple of friends at a playground the week before school starts to help them get back in touch with each other. The first day back to school can be a great day to meet other parents in your child’s class and to exchange phone numbers to set up future playdates.

Extra TLC the first few weeks:

The first few weeks back at school is hard for most kids. We get ice cream or have a picnic in our backyard to celebrate the first day of school. We can help our kids transition smoothly by having a parent or a family member be home when they are done with school in the initial days, to talk about all the things that happened at school.

Most Importantly- Being kind to yourself:

Back to school can be taxing and exhausting for parents as well. Take some time for self-care and relax. When your child sees a calm and smiling parent, waiting to hear all about their day, it can help ease their anxiety. But also remember that it is natural to feel frustrated and anxious yourself when dealing with a child, who is throwing a tantrum or refusing to listen. Reminding ourselves that these can be signs of anxiety and stepping away from the situation to practice some mindful breathing can model calming behaviors to our children.

SCHOOL ANXIETY IN MIDDLE- AND HIGH SCHOOLERS

In addition to the stressors that elementary school-aged children face, preteens and teens have the added stress of knowing what is happening in the broader world through social media. The number of thoughts that these young people deal with while carving out and coming into their own identities is many. Anxiety in this age group can be exhibited as challenging behaviors like rebellion, defying authority, skipping school or even self-harm.

We have a whole blog on how anxiety presents in teens, the strategies that will help them, and when to seek counseling.

WHEN TO START COUNSELING FOR PARENTS OR TEENS

Back-to-school anxiety should settle down after the first few weeks of the start of school. If it persists and starts to interfere with your child’s willingness and ability to participate in daily activities like going to school, extracurricular classes, sports, and other social relationships, it might be time to get some help for your child. Your pediatrician or school counselor can help find a mental health professional who specializes in childhood anxiety.

Thankfully, anxiety can be managed well when you and your child have the right coping tools in your back pocket. You don’t have to do it alone. There are plenty of resources available to support you and your child’s journey to wellness.

Teen and Parent Counseling Services in Chicago, IL

At Obsidian Counseling, we have experienced therapists who can help you and your child with combating these school stressors and helping in a path to recovery. We will be happy to answer any questions your family may have about counseling for anxiety.

If you are feeling overwhelmed or need help working through some of life's challenges, please reach out for counseling services. If you live in the state of Illinois, our Glencoe & Chicago-based therapists would love to help. Our therapists believe in providing evidence-based therapy with compassionate empathy and a nonjudgemental approach to sessions.

If you are ready to begin therapy, please take the steps below to get started:

1. Fill out a consult form here.

2. Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.

3. Begin working toward better mental health!

Other Mental Health Services in Illinois

Our therapists offer a wide range of mental health services to support your entire family focusing on providing evidence-based care including incorporating mindfulness as well as other effective therapies such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and EMDR. addition to anxiety treatment and teen therapy, we also offer counseling for depression, teen counseling, parent counseling, trauma therapy, therapy for work burnout & more. Because we offer online therapy, we are able to help anyone in the state of Illinois. And, our therapists specialize in working with LGBTQIA+ individuals.

So, whatever your mental health needs may be, if you live in Illinois we'd love to provide you the support you're looking for. 

Empathy and Compassion: Aren’t They The Same & How To Practice Them When Uncertain

Empathy and compassion are often confused for each other. Empathy is defined as the ability to understand and share the same feelings with another person. Compassion is thought of to be the emotional response to another person’s pain which then creates a desire to help. There is lots of overlap between the two but what is it that sets them apart?

3 Types of Empathy

The first main difference between compassion and empathy is that there are three kinds of empathy. Psychologists Daniel Goleman and Paul Ekman have identified these three kinds of empathy as cognitive, Emotional, and compassionate. Compassionate empathy is what we typically think of when we think about compassion.

Cognitive Empathy

Cognitive empathy consists of knowing how another person feels and being able to identify what they may be thinking. For example, if a friend has recently lost a family pet, cognitive empathy enables you to know they may be feeling sad or hurt. Cognitive empathy is often referred to as “perspective taking” since it allows you to put yourself in another person’s shoes.

Emotional Empathy

Emotional empathy differs from cognitive empathy because you physically feel the emotions another person may be experiencing. This is the type of empathy that makes us jump when you see your favorite sports player fall and injure themselves during a game. You may have experienced the physical pain or sensation of injuring yourself in a similar way which is why you may grimace when you see them fall. You do not need to have experienced the same exact injury or way you were injured, but everyone has experienced physical pain before, and emotional empathy allows us to identify similarities between situations to understand how the other person is feeling. Emotional empathy does not only apply to physical situations though. Many emotions are so strong that one can also feel them physically. Emotional empathy also applies to when you can feel and experience these emotions as well.

Cognitive and emotional empathy are able to come together to form compassionate empathy.

Compassionate Empathy

Compassionate empathy is what we typically think of when we hear the word “empathy”. It is also what is typically confused for simply compassion. While the names may be similar, there is a difference. Compassionate empathy is when you combine the qualities of cognitive and emotional empathy and then act towards trying to help. So, you have put yourself in the other persons shoes and have identified their pain, physically feeling, or experiencing their emotions, and now you are ready to reach out and offer help. This is where compassion plays a role in empathy. The act of reaching out or simply having the desire to help someone experiencing pain is compassion.  Empathy is good on its own, but to really help and make a difference to others compassion needs to come in and play a role.

How To Practice Compassionate Empathy

Practicing compassionate empathy is easy. Let’s say that your neighbor recently lost a loved one. You may have also been in a similar situation in the past, so you understand the grief and emotional distress it causes. Think about what could have helped you during this time. Maybe cook a meal and drop it off or offer to walk their dog so it is one less thing on their to do list.

Examples of practicing empathy and compassion in daily life

Practicing compassion today can seem like a daunting task. Differing political affiliations or general values can cause us to stay away or only socialize with people with similar views as us. Right now, our world feels like it is in a constant state of chaos and uncertainty. No matter whether you agree with someone’s values or not, everyone deserves kindness and compassion. Instead of isolating ourselves, reach out and check in with your neighbors. Keeping in touch with people and letting them know you care can make a significant impact. You never know what someone else is going through, but everyone can benefit from some compassion.

1. Reach out to a friend or family member you haven’t talked to in a while.

Ask them how they are doing or what is new in their life. Invite them to get a coffee or go on a walk. It may lead to a fun conversation where you both can catch up. With the amount of uncertainty in the world today, most people just want to talk and be heard. You can be the one to provide them with a space to do that.

2. Perform random acts of kindness

These can be done anywhere like the grocery store or gas station. If you see someone struggling with something, physically or emotionally, perform a random act of kindness to brighten their day. This could be as small as offering to carry their groceries or paying for their gas. You could also leave a note with a nice message in a random person’s mailbox. You may not see the effects it has on the person, but it could make a big difference to their day.

3. Help the environment

Humans aren’t the only ones who benefit from some compassion. Show the environment some love too. Pick up litter that may be outside or remember to recycle your water bottles. Cleaning up the environment not only helps the earth, but it makes the area nicer for people after you and you might feel a little better too.

4. And The Most Important One…Be kind to yourself!

Start your compassion journey with yourself. Treat yourself to a nice dinner or relax in the bath after a long day. Take note of when you are feeling stressed and maybe practice some breathing exercises or meditate for a moment. You can only be compassionate of others when you are compassionate to yourself first. In a world that is constantly moving, it is okay to slow down and take a breath.

Why Does This Matter?

Compassionate empathy is a key element we have as humans to connect with one another. It is particularly important and can be used as a way to unify us during times of uncertainty.

 Counseling Services in Chicago, IL

Time of uncertainty can cause anxiety, burnout and sadness. These things can have a huge impact on a person’s mental health and you may need more support in the form of a professional counselor or therapist. If you are feeling overwhelmed or need help working through some of life's challenges, please reach out for counseling services. If you live in the state of Illinois, our Winnetka & Chicago based therapists would love to help. Our therapists believe in providing evidence based therapy with compassionate empathy and a nonjudgemental approach to sessions.

If you are ready to begin therapy, please take the steps below to get started:

1. Fill out a consult form here.

2. Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.

3. Begin working toward better mental health!

Other Mental Health Services in Illinois

Our therapists offer a wide range of mental health services to support your entire family focusing on providing evidence based care including incorporating mindfulness as well as other effective therapies such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and EMDR. addition to anxiety treatment and teen therapy, we also offer counseling for depression, teen counseling, parent counseling, trauma therapy, therapy for work burnout & more. Because we offer online therapy, we are able to help anyone in the state of Illinois. And, our therapists specialize in working with LGBTQIA+ individuals.

So, whatever your mental health needs may be, if you live in Illinois we'd love to provide you the support you're looking for. 

Mindful Walks and Places in Chicago You Can Take Them

Summertime is almost here, which means warmer weather, new flower blooms, and a few more daylight hours than in the wintertime. Starting in the springtime, our neighborhoods offer many opportunities for self-care and fresh air. Whether you are new to the Chicagoland area or have lived here your whole life, you may like to explore areas in your neighborhood from the lens of self-care. Below I will discuss mindful walks and some local places in the northern Chicagoland area where you can practice this technique.

Mindful Outdoor Walks

Mindful walks are an excellent way to connect to the present moment, break from anxious thoughts, move your body, and get some fresh air.

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is a state of awareness. When we are mindful, we nonjudgmentally notice what is happening in the present moment. Contrary to popular belief, the goal of mindfulness is not to have a blank mind but instead is noticing thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations as they happen. So, for example, if you are feeling angry, you state to yourself, "I am feeling angry." The goal is not to judge or change the feelings but instead to notice.

Some benefits of mindfulness

• Reduced symptoms of depression and anxiety

• Improved memory and focus

• Reduced Stress

• Improved ability to regulate emotions

• Improved satisfaction in relationships

• Increased mind-body connection

• Reduced rumination (which is when we get stuck on a thought or problem and play it repeatedly in our mind)

How do I go on a mindful outdoor walk?

1)    Go outside; this can be anywhere you choose, where you live, near where you work, or any place you would like to explore for today’s walk. (If the weather does not permit, you can practice this skill indoors as well).

2)    Start by noticing how your body feels with each step. Notice your breath. Think about each foot touching the ground (right, left, right, left) and the rhythm of the breath (in, out, in, out).

3)    Tune into your five senses: What do I see? What do I smell? What do I hear? What does the air taste like? What do I feel?

4)    Tune in to the rhythm of your walk, left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot; the rhythm of your walk can be an anchor of awareness to return to throughout the walk.

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to practice mindful walking; use these steps as a guide to finding what feels suitable for you. The goal is to connect with the present moment.

If you’re feeling creative

Think of some other activities where you can similarly practice mindfulness. Here are some examples that I have thought of:

• Biking

• Kayaking

• Rollerblading

• Swinging on a swing set

• Drawing or painting

• Yoga

• Dancing

• Gardening

• Even doing the dishes! (I know that is an inside task but why not?)

 Please remember to use proper safety precautions when engaging in any above activities. 

Places to Practice Mindfulness in the Chicago Area

No matter where you are in the Chicagoland area, you can find beautiful places to practice mindfulness. As mostly Winnetka-based therapists, we love to visit the beaches along Lake Michigan, the downtown Winnetka bistros, shopping districts, and summer music festivals. Teens, young adults, and parents can get a break from the pressures of school with trails and parks, many near New Trier High School. But honestly, there are amazing places to mindfully walk & find inner peace throughout the Chicago area. So, here are some of our therapists’ other favorite places to practice mindfulness in the Chicago, IL area:

Forest Preserves of Cook County

• Feature over 350 miles of paved and unpaved trails and 70,000 acres of wild and preserved land.

• Walk along the trail, and tune into your senses. What does it sound like, are there any birds nearby, what does it smell like, do you see any flowers, what do your feet feel like on the trail?

• These locations also include trails for walking and biking

• The lagoons are lovely to look at and great for kayaking, fishing, and canoeing (rentals available)

• Some of these trails are dog-friendly trails to bring your four-legged friend along

• Picnic tables are available for an outdoor meal

• Birds, deer, and other wildlife nearby- maybe try your hand at some photography.

Lake Michigan

• Walk alongside the lake, and notice the temperature change, the breeze, and the sand. What does it smell like, and what do the waves sound like?

• Kayaks and paddleboards available for rental

• Some local beaches may offer yoga or various forms of exercise on the beach; check-in in with your town to see what it has to offer.

• Mindfully play in the sand, notice the texture, how the sand changes when mixed with water, and watch the hand fall between your fingers.

The Chicago Botanic Garden

• Walk around and explore the many different gardens of the Chicago Botanic Garden. This year the Chicago Botanic Garden is celebrating 50 years and is featuring a variety of garden exhibits for individuals to explore.

• 28 gardens and four natural areas on 385 acres, consisting of nine different islands.

• Take classes, stroll the property, or sit on a bench and take in these gardens' sights, smells, sounds, and even tastes. 

Counseling Services in Chicago, IL

Mindfulness can have a huge impact on a person’s mental health. Still, you may sometimes need more support in the form of a professional counselor or therapist. If you are feeling overwhelmed or need help working through some of life's challenges, please reach out for counseling services. If you live in the state of Illinois, our Winnetka & Chicago based therapists would love to help. Our teen therapists believe in providing evidence based therapy and often incorporate mindfulness into counseling sessions, particularly if you share that you are making efforts to practice mindfulness on your own.

If you are ready to begin therapy, please take the steps below to get started:

1. Fill out a consult form here.

2. Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.

3. Begin working toward better mental health!

Other Mental Health Services in Illinois

Our therapists offer a wide range of mental health services to support your entire family focusing on providing evidence based care including incorporating mindfulness as well as other effective therapies such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and EMDR. addition to anxiety treatment and teen therapy, we also offer counseling for depression, teen counseling, parent counseling, trauma therapy, therapy for work burnout & more. Because we offer online therapy, we are able to help anyone in the state of Illinois. And, our therapists specialize in working with LGBTQIA+ individuals.

So, whatever your mental health needs may be, if you live in Illinois we'd love to provide you the support you're looking for.

Executive Dysfunction and Why It Shows Up Alongside Depression and Anxiety

Staying organized and being focused can be hard work! Have you ever noticed that during times of high stress your ability to stay organized can feel like rolling a boulder up a hill? Or maybe it’s more like, “I know I had that boulder somewhere, where- in the world- did I put it?” 

During periods of extreme sadness, such as depression, or worry, a.k.a. anxiety, our ability to stay organized and problem solve is significantly impacted. You may struggle to remember to pull the laundry out of the dryer or even to feed yourself. Generally, we think of forgetting to do the laundry as a function of depression or worry, but it can also be something called Executive Dysfunction. 

What is executive functioning anyway? 

Executive functioning is a broad range of skills that affect our everyday lives. More specifically, the cognitive processes that help you organize thoughts, and activities, prioritize tasks, make decisions and manage your time well. For example, remembering to put that laundry away (and actually doing it), paying attention to your boss when they are telling you something important, planning ahead for your next vet visit for your furry friend, etc. When these skills aren’t being performed well, it is called Executive Dysfunction. If you’d like to learn more about executive functioning, you can visit our previous blog about why the easiest tasks are so hard. 

The trouble is depression and anxiety are challenging enough. Depression can lead to fatigue, changes in sleeping and eating patterns, persistent sadness, and pessimism; while anxiety can lead to rapid breathing, feeling nervous, restless or tense, and having a sense of doom. That seems like enough for someone to take on at one time. However, just as your feelings shift when struggling with depression or anxiety your thoughts and cognitive processes change. That’s where executive dysfunction comes in (aka difficulty with any number of the functions listed above). Cue the dramatic music: dun, dun, dun. 

Why is executive dysfunction important for me to understand when I talk about depression or anxiety? 

For one, there are studies out there that suggest executive functioning deficits play a role in the onset, maintenance, or recurrence of depression. Yup, that’s right you read that correctly. Meaning, difficulty with those previously mentioned cognitive processes like:

• working memory (where did I put that boulder again?);

• organize tasks, (do I take the dog for a walk first or start making dinner?);

• critical thinking (did the chicken or the egg come first?);

• problem-solving (how do I help a neighbor that is not well?), etc. can lead to depression! 

Researchers are still a bit at odds as to whether executive functioning officially leads to depression but one thing is for sure; depression and anxiety significantly impact your brain’s functioning. The higher-order skills, like executive functioning, will show more and more deficits as your depression and anxiety increase in severity. The sadder you feel, the less likely you will be able to plan a 6-course meal for your book club. Worry, too can clog up your memory and negatively impact your ability to get things done in a timely manner. 

The “cure” for executive dysfunction and depression

Thankfully, if you are experiencing symptoms of Executive Dysfunction, Depression, and/or Anxiety the first line of defense is to seek out a mental health professional. Therapy is one of the most preferred treatment methods for all of the above. You can talk to your therapist about interventions aiming to improve coping skills and/or executive functions which have been proven to reduce the risk of depression recurrence. 

Ready to Begin Depression Therapy in Chicago, IL?

We know that therapy can run to the bottom of the priority list when other things are affecting your life, especially when you’re experiencing executive dysfunction. However, we want you to know that it doesn’t have to be that way! And you deserve healing. That’s why the online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL offer depression therapy in Illinois via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home. Take the steps below to get started.

1. Fill out a consult form here.

2. Meet with a depression therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.

3. Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!

OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS

When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people in addressing anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.

Doomscrolling: When We “Need to Know,” Can’t Stop, and Find Ourselves Anxious

If you haven’t heard of it, you’ve probably done it. First coined in 2018 and leaping to prominence in 2020 both as a concept and a practice, “doomscrolling” is a new and unique phenomenon that has captured many, many people as they struggled to make sense of the Covid-19 pandemic and keep themselves and their loved ones safe. It continues now with the Russian offensive in Ukraine as the new doom darling of news media.

The current definition of doomscrolling in research circles is best summarized as:

The act of spending an excessive amount of time on social media newsfeeds with an obsessive focus on the absorption of negative news. Specifically, that which is distressing, depressing, or otherwise negative.

Put another way – in times of uncertainty people try to gather as much information as possible to better understand their situation. Unfortunately, the information they are trying to gather is usually bad and results in heightened distress, resulting in anxiety or depression, rather than less.

I recall way back on 9/11/2001 my family had CNN on the TV for the entire day. For hours there would be no updates, just the same information repeated endlessly, and yet we couldn’t turn off the TV. We felt a need to know as much information as possible, as soon as possible, and this was the best way to get it.

Then Facebook launched in 2004 and social media became a permanent part of our lives. Now, instead of keeping one ear open for the voice of Anderson Cooper saying “We have just received updates” we can snuggle into our couches or beds and scroll. And scroll. And scroll.

The psychology research community has, thankfully, taken quick interest in doomscrolling so that despite it being a new phenomenon we already have some answers. This study here has developed a technique for measuring doomscrolling which will allow future researchers to continue to study and make sense of this apparent obsession with negative news.

We’ve introduced doomscrolling, and we’ve defined it. Let’s talk more about it, and more importantly, what we can do about it.

Who Engages in Doomscrolling?

Initial research has identified doomscrolling as a distinct concept, although it appears to be related to other online activities such as online vigilance, problematic use of the internet/social media, fear of missing out (also called FOMO). Doomscrolling has also been linked to the following:

·      Passive social media use

·      Habitual media use

·      Anxiety

·      Depression

·      Poor self-control

·      Multiple personality traits

If you recognize yourself in any of the above you may be more susceptible to doomscrolling. Additionally, men, younger adults, and the politically-engaged have been found more likely to engage in doomscrolling.

The truth is, though, most people have engaged in doomscrolling at some point in their life. We are, in fact, hardwired to do so.

Why Do We Doomscroll?

It should be noted that it is currently unclear whether doomscrolling leads to anxiety or if anxiety leads to doomscrolling. However, the current hypothesis is they feed off each other. That is where I place my money as always seems to be the way with psychology. 

Doomscrolling, at its root, is a manifestation of our biological programming. We are programmed to scan for threats. Two-thirds of the cells in our amygdala are dedicated to scanning for threats. The more threats and challenges we encounter over a set span of time the more and more hyper-vigilant we get.

My clients who were the calmest about their Covid-19 hypervigilance where actually the ones with PTSD. Hypervigilance is a symptom of PTSD and indicates a person’s amygdala has gone “code red” and is scanning for threats constantly and without stopping just about every waking minute. They recognized it and knew it for what it was.

Back to that biology. We were designed for threats that we can confront – move away from or scare off a predator, chase a challenger off our land, etc. We were not designed for threats that we can do nothing about. 

When the threat is a one-time event, such as a natural force like a hurricane, there is a time limit. We hurricane-proof our homes and seek shelter. At some point the hurricane will make landfall and pass through, and then we clean up. Doomscrolling, while still not productive, also then has a time limit. 

A pandemic or a war, however, does not have a set time limit. It can feel inescapable. In these cases, like so many things in our world we are applying our outdated evolution to modern problems. We are trying to gather as much information as possible so we are as well-equipped as possible to confront the threat. Except it is a threat we cannot meet and neutralize in the way we did before civilization. Knowing everything about the Russian attack on Ukraine does not allow us to win the war. Knowing the most current by-the-minute information on Covid-19 does not actually allow us to beat it off with a weapon.

So, It’s Better Just Not to Engage with the News? 

Certainly not. Being informed is beneficial. The difference is that doomscrolling goes well beyond the point of gathering useful information.

How Do I Stop Doomscrolling?

Set boundaries – limit when, where, and for how long you engage with your newsfeed. Maybe it is only at breakfast or only after work or absolutely not in bedroom (highly recommended). If you tend to scroll in the evenings absolutely set an alarm to put your newsfeed away at a certain time, preferably a few hours before bedtime.

Avoid confirmation bias – there is no shortage of poor-quality information out there. Social media platforms are also designed to push forward content that resembles what you have already engaged in. Look at the sources critically.

Try kindness-scrolling – Studies suggests that kindness-scrolling may give us those feel-good “hits” that are the opposite to doomscrolling’s feel-bad ones. That may be encouraging your social media friends to post funny pictures, or starting a “say something you like about X” thread. It can also be finding positive videos whether its uplifting TicToks or videos of pets getting adopted. 

Remember how this is all designed – Current news media does not stop. It runs 24/7. It also plays on our negativity bias, meaning it specifically targets our brains’ bias for seeking out threats.

No matter how much media you consume there will always be more. There is no way to “catch up” on all the news anymore. So set boundaries. If something really important happens you will definitely hear about it.

Begin Anxiety Treatment for Doomscrolling in Chicago, IL

As said before, doomscrolling is anxiety provoking and creates a lot of negative thought patterns. You deserve healing from the worry that constantly bogs your mind. Find ways to be more present in life and gain tools to manage anxiety with our anxiety therapists. To get started for doomscrolling anxiety at our Chicago, IL-based therapy practice, take these steps:

1. Fill out a contact form.

2. Meet with an anxiety therapist to discuss their intervention treatments.

3. Start the healing you deserve!

OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS

With evidence-based therapy tools, our therapists help folks in addressing depression, trauma (including the treatment of complex PTSD), and work stress. Additionally, one of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online therapy sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks and highly sensitive people for a variety of struggles. Additionally, we support new parents during times of transition. We know that healing takes time, and our therapists want to be a guide along that journey for you.  

What Is Acceptance And Commitment Therapy and How Does It Help With Anxiety?

Anxiety is an experience anyone can identify with, whether it is thoughts racing at night or a stomach ache before a big presentation. Anxiety can be a normal part of life and even be helpful, like by alerting us to danger or helping us focus during a test. However, anxiety can also occur in bigger ways leading to impairments in every day functioning. According to the National Institute on Mental Health, 19.1% or 63 million Adult Americans are diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. This leaves many adults seeking therapy services in hopes to relieve their anxiety. 

Luckily, anxiety is highly treatable and there are many methods of therapy aimed at helping those dealing with anxiety. Acceptance and commitment therapy, or ACT, is one of the many evidence-based treatments available for managing anxiety. 

What is ACT?

The Association for Contextual Behavioral Science defines ACT as “a unique empirically based psychological intervention that uses acceptance and mindfulness strategies, together with commitment and behavior change strategies, to increase psychological flexibility.” Put simply, when learning ACT, clients develop mindfulness skills and learn to create a life aligned with their values. When working with an ACT therapist, clients focus on the six principles of ACT to develop skills to cope with anxiety. The Association for Contextual Behavioral Science explains these principles as:

Acceptance

The practice of making room for unpleasant feelings or thoughts without trying to get rid of them.  

Cognitive Diffusion

Understanding that thoughts are bits of language and not inherent truths. Your therapist will help you practice defusion techniques such as imagining thoughts as clouds floating by.

Being Present

Focusing on the here and now, identify what is within your control. Your therapist will guide you through mindfulness activities to help develop this skill. If you know you are working on developing your mindfulness practice already, you might enjoy this blog post about places to take mindfulness walks around Chicago.

Self as Context

Tuning in to the ability to observe one’s thoughts without attachment to them. Notice your thoughts and the part of you that can just notice.

Values

Clarify what you find most important in life, learn to use values to guide decisions.

Committed Action

Take actionable steps to integrate values into everyday life. 

What else is ACT used to treat?

ACT has been shown to be effective in treating substance abuse, psychosis, depression, chronic pain, and eating disorders. ACT has also been shown to be effective in treating tinnitus. 

How Can I Use ACT?

1. Learn more about ACT via quick, entertaining YouTube videos with Russ Harris.

2. Engage in mindfulness practices informally by taking a moment to notice what you are experiencing in the present moment or by using an app like Headspace.

3. Take a moment to notice each thought or emotion you have without placing judgment or meaning.

4. Clarify your values through this online value sort.

Begin Anxiety Treatment in Chicago, IL

As said before, ACT is an effective treatment for managing anxiety. You deserve healing from the worry that constantly bogs your mind. Find ways to be more present in life and gain tools to manage anxiety with our anxiety therapists. To get started with ACT for anxiety at our Chicago, IL-based therapy practice, take these steps:

1. Fill out a contact form.

2. Meet with an anxiety therapist to discuss their intervention treatments.

3. Start the healing you deserve!

OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS

With evidence-based therapy tools, our therapists help folks in addressing depression, trauma, and work stress. Additionally, one of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online therapy sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks and highly sensitive people for a variety of struggles. Additionally, we support new parents during times of transition. We know that healing takes time, and our therapists want to be a guide along that journey for you.

What is Self-Care, Really, and What Can it Look Like?

“Self Care” As a Term is Getting Popular

Interest in self-care has been growing of late. According to Google Trends, the number of searches for “self-care” have doubled since 2015. This month the term was at the center of Olympic discourse with Simone Biles withdrawing from her events for her self-care. “Do your self-care” is a mantra in the mental health field. Its meaning is relatively easy to figure out: take care of yourself.

But what does self care really look like?

But what does that mean, really, and what does it look like? The World Health Organization (WHO) defines self-care as “the ability of individuals, families and communities to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and to cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a healthcare provider.” As you can see, self-care is actually a broad concept that encompasses all aspects of a person’s life including hygiene, nutrition, and even environmental and socioeconomic factors.

In simpler terms, as the medically reviewed everydayhealth.com describes it, self-care is taking care of yourself so you can be healthy, well, do your job, help and care for others, and accomplish the things you want to in a day. As Brighid Courtney of the Wellness Council of America say:

“When self-care is regularly practiced, the benefits are broad and have even been linked to positive health outcomes such as reduced stress, improved immune system, increased productivity, and higher self-esteem.”

Self Care is Not Just “Treating Yourself”

Let’s start by making one thing clear: self-care is not the same as self-indulgence. The rallying cry of social media self-care seems to be “treat yourself!” While treating oneself is certainly an aspect of a solid self-care regime, spa days, booze, and retail therapy are not the end all and be all of self-care. Especially if they are just too expensive for you to do on the regular.

Self-care requires having some understanding of what makes yourself tick. What sorts of things make you feel recharged, replenished, and happy? 

Maybe its cooking. Maybe it’s definitely not cooking. Maybe it’s living it up Friday night and then taking Saturday to yourself. Maybe it’s time with your kids and time without your kids. There are those opposites again. I have yet to meet a parent who does not savor both time with and away from their children.

Types of Self Care

As you may have gathered from the WHO definition above there are different types of self-care. Let’s take a look at a few so we can get closer to that answer of what self-care can look like:

Emotional Self-Care 

This can include positive self-talk, a monthly massage, weekly bubble bath, saying “no” to things that cause unnecessary stress (including work requests!), scheduling a regular lunch date with a friend, or giving yourself permission to take a break.

Physical Self-Care 

Physical self care can mean getting enough sleep on the regular, eating nourishing foods, finding some sort of exercise/physical activity routine that you can actually stick with (make it something you like rather than a chore), and getting your annual physical with your doctor.

Spiritual Self-Care 

Spiritual self-care can be attending religious services but it can also be taking time to meditate or find a “guided imagery” video on YouTube, identifying three good things that happen each day, or keeping a gratitude journal or photo series. This can also include spending time in nature or any place that is peaceful for you.

Temporary Self-Care 

These are acts or activities wherein you will benefit but the act but the benefit does not last for long after you finish. This could be the social connection of time with a friend or the calming effect of listening to a favorite playlist or taking a ten-minute break at work.

Enduring Self-Care 

These acts have longer-term effects. This could mean reducing or quitting cigarettes, regular exercise that maintains muscle tone as you age or strengthens your heart. This could also mean mindfulness practices that over time lead to physical brain changes. Identifying three good things every day is one of my favorite mindfulness practices to teach clients because it is simple to do, takes little time, and has had demonstrable positive effects.

A Quick Aside for Three Good Things

I feel I should explain what this activity is as I have mentioned it twice. “Three good things” is any good thing that happened throughout the day. They do not have to be big like the completion of a project at work. And they are certainly not negatives wrapped in a positive like “My boss didn’t yell at me today.”

They are little things like:

·      The sky is blue today.

·      I saw a dog.

·      I made it through that light before it turned yellow.

·      A song I like played on the radio.

·      A meme made me laugh.

I encourage clients to write these things down at first. Not necessarily to keep but to take note of and make sure they hit three a day. Over time one becomes able to find the three good things automatically, and frequently it becomes far more than just three things. 

Let’s Summarize

At the end of the day, self-care is anything that helps you de-stress, carve out time for yourself, and bring you happiness. Even if it is just stepping outside to take a deep breath – that is quality self-care!

It can also be making daily tasks more enjoyable. You can pick a soap you particularly like the smell of and focus on the physical sensations of showering: the feeling of water hitting your skin, the sound within your shower, the smell of your soap… for even 10 minutes in the shower this is a more mindful and centering way to go about it rather than letting your brain run hog wild over all the stressful things awaiting you today.

Self Care Resources 

If you would like more resources on the various ways you can do self-care here are just a few to get your started on this extensive topic:

Self-Care and Self-Compassion from U. of Toledo

9 Signs You Need Better Self-Care and May Be a Trauma Survivor

Taking Mindfulness Walks in the Chicago, IL area

Why Does Self-Care Sometimes Feel So Hard?

The Self Care Forum

Why Self-Care Can Help You Manage Stress

7 Elements of Self-Care from Silver Hill Hospital

 Here at Obsidian, our therapists love what we do and we always do our best to give you the best we possibly can. If you ever need help or guidance, please do not hesitate to contact us at the following: 

Self-Harm: A Symptom Not A Disorder

Self-harm, also called self-injury, is not an uncommon or new phenomenon. An estimated 2 million Americans engage in some form of self-injury. An analysis across 40 countries identified 17% of all people will self-harm during their lifetimes. The average age of first incident is 13 but individuals as young has 5 have been reported, and although young white women are the typical face of self-injury as many as 35% are men.

It can be very upsetting to learn a friend or family member has engaged in self-harm and difficult to understand. The purpose of this month’s blog post is to educate on what self-harm is and is not, separate the fact from the myths, and to provide some guiding resources on how to help a loved one who is self-harming.

What is Self-Harm?

By definition, self-harm is the deliberate act of harming one’s own body without suicidal intent. That is an important take away from this post: self-harm is not a failed suicide attempt. Self-harm, in many ways, is the anti-suicide. That being said, accidental suicide can happen particularly when an individual is under the influence of a substance. A common cause is cutting deeper than intended.

It is also important to understand that self-injury is not a mental disorder. It is a symptom of deeper distress and is a coping mechanism, which will be elaborated on below.

What are Common Myths about Self Harm?

I am starting off with the myths. I will explain some of these in further detail however, suffice to say, if it is on this list it is not true. For fuller explanations of each of these myths please visit The Recovery Village and this handout from Samaritans.org.

Specific self harm myths – 

1)    Self-harm is rare.

2)    Young people self-harm to fit in.

3)    It’s a way to manipulate others.

4)    Only “emos” self-harm.

5)    It’s just a phase that will soon be grown out of.

6)    It’s just a bid for attention.

7)    People who self-harm want to die.

8)    Self-harm is a failed suicide attempt.

9)    Only those who have been sexually abused self-harm.

10) All people who self-harm have been abused.

11) People who self-harm do not feel pain.

12) Self-harm is not treatable.

 Why Do People Self-Harm?

 In short, a person’s primary reason for self-harm generally fits into two rather broad categories:

1)    Feeling too much emotion

2)   Not feeling enough emotion

How either of these states comes into being requires a rather long answer. The summary is either a person does not know how to self-regulate their emotions (see point 1) and self-harm helps them with this, or, a person feels so numb inside that the pain from self-harm shows them “At least I’m still alive,” (see point 2) as one of my clients described it.

What Exactly is Self-Harm?

The general definition of self harm is any action deliberately harming oneself physically as a way of dealing with difficult or overwhelming emotions.

How do People Self-Harm?

There are a number of ways in which people can self harm. Cutting is the most common. However, other methods include burning, scratching, hair pulling, biting, picking at skin and wounds, and hitting one’s self and/or head.

Self-Harm as a Coping Tool

I tell all my clients the brain’s number one concern is our immediate survival. This is where I marvel at our brains. Our brains work so hard to protect us that they will come up with anything, do anything, as long as it works to protect us right here, right now. Because if we do not survive right now we are not going to be alive later to decide whether or not we regret what we just did.

The mind—which I conceptualize as our logical part with our critical thinking and problem-solving parts—decides whether or not something is a good idea. The problem is, even if the mind knows self-harm is a bad idea, as most who engage in self-harm know this, it needs to come up with a better alternative in order for the brain not to choose self-harm. Simply knowing “This is a bad idea” is not enough.

How many times have we heard dialogue like this in a movie?

“This is crazy!”

“Do you have a better idea?”

A similar conversation goes on between the brain and the mind.

Why is Self-Harm a Coping Tool?

 First, why it works. Harm to the body increases adrenaline and endorphin production. This induces both a greater sense of control and a relaxation effect. These, in turn, help to tolerate one’s emotions and regulate the nervous system.

There are many reasons why a person may not have learned how to regulate their emotions and nervous system: 

·      It can be due to trauma throughout childhood. 

·      It could be due to parents who likewise do not know how to regulate their emotions and thus never modeled it for their child. 

·      It could also be a child getting lost in the shuffle of family life. Think “middle child syndrome.” 

·      It could also be a person who, for one reason or another, finds intense emotion distressing.

For those who feel numb and dead inside severe depression and trauma are frequently the root causes.

How Do I Help Someone Who Self Harms?

There is a lot of information out there on how you can help your loved ones if you suspect they are self-harming. Below is a few suggestions. For more information on each them please visit Banner Health and Mental Health First Aid.org. There are also more resources as the bottom of this post.

1)    Avoid judgement

2)    Reassure and be supportive

3)    Express your concern comes from caring

4)    Provided educational information/resources

5)    Seek understanding

6)    Do not dismiss

7)    Do not ask for promises

8)    Try to be accepting and normalize

9)    Encourage professional help

Counseling & Help For Self Harm in the Chicago Area

As a therapist, I have worked with many, many clients who do or have self-harmed. If you like to speak to me or Ilyssa, or any other therapist on the Obsidian Counseling team, about helping you or a loved one with symptoms like this please do not hesitate to reach out to us.  We offer online therapy to individuals in the Chicago area and throughout Illinois.

Take the steps below to begin therapy:

1. Fill out a consult form here.

2. Meet with a therapist

3. Start learning new ways to cope

OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS

When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. We won’t judge you, and we assume there are reasons for all of your actions…even self harm. We’re here to help you find healing and make meaningful change in your life. Our therapists are honored to help guide folks, including teenagers, along their healing process. Specifically, we help people in addressing anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. Additionally, we specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.

About the Author/Therapist

Kari Holman is an LCPC in Illinois who believes you are the expert on your own mental health. She is able to help clients with a wide range of mental health concerns and specializes in providing counseling and psychotherapy services to the Latinx and LGBTQIA communities. If you’re interested in working directly with Kari, or have any questions about this blog post, please call (847) 450-0460 or email her at kariholmancounseling@gmail.com.

Other Resources Related to Self Harm

For more resources on how to help someone who self-harms, including what to say or not say, please see the follow:

Self.com – 5 Helpful Things to Say to a Friend Who Self-Harms (and 3 to Avoid)

Mind.org.uk – What Helps

Mind.org.uk – What Doesn’t Help

Au.reachout.com – How to Help a Friend Who Self-Harms