5 Hints to Managing the Mental Load of the Holidays

The holiday season is here. For many people, the decorations, holiday music, and shopping bring warm feelings of joy and nostalgia. Moms/ the primary caregiver everywhere works tirelessly to give their families a memorable and joyful experience. This planning and extra running around coupled with the normal routine of everyday life can amount to a stressful mental load. To stay healthy & happy, moms must find ways to cope and keep this load manageable.  

Although in heterosexual couples' dads participate in the holidays, most families agree that moms still carry the brunt of the responsibility. The extra stress associated with the holidays and the feelings of guilt for not being able to do more lead to negative feelings. Incorporating the tips discussed in this article is a terrific way to manage the mental load of the holidays and properly self-care. 

5 TIPS TO MANAGING THE MENTAL LOAD OF THE HOLIDAYS: 

1. Practice Self-care. A perfect way for moms to manage a heavy mental load during the holidays is to relax. In other words, engage in activities that bring stress relief and comfort. Activities could include exercise, reading, listening to music, or any other hobby that is enjoyed. Breaking up hustle and bustle of planning with some self-care can do amazing things to reduce stress, anxiety, taking time for self-care rejuvenates and gives energy so that moms can then focus on their kids and families. 

2. Make a plan and stick to it. Like most stressful things, planning helps reduce part of the burden and worry. Moms who plan are more likely to keep their mental load in order. Having a list of tasks that need to be accomplished during the holiday season provides the structure needed to manage a heavy load. The crucial point here is to stick to the original plan. If new, things are constantly added, then having a plan, to begin with, is ineffective.  

3. Manage Expectations. One of the main causes of carrying a heavy mental load during the holidays is the fear of letting loved ones down. Moms are expected to buy the best present, plan an exciting trip, and prepare the most festive meal. The pressure of perfection can trigger an enormous amount of anxiety. Having the understanding that things will not turn out perfectly, because there is no such thing as perfect, is an important part of keeping the mental load in check. 

4. Be dedicated to the fact that the holidays are supposed to be joyous. The holidays are a happy time, or at least they should be. When things get tough though, take a moment or two to remember what is being celebrated. Having family and friends around during the holiday season is special and should be something to look forward to. If that idea is lost, then the whole concept of celebrating the holidays needs to be reevaluated. Sometimes the joy can be harder to find and that’s okay! During those not so joyous moments it would be a wonderful time to model how to handle the disappointments to your children. If children observe that you can be present and working through your feelings in real time, they too will start utilizing those skills. Additionally, if they see parents be happy during the holiday time it will teach children about the importance and beauty of the holidays. 

5. Delegate tasks. Do not take on everything alone. Having support during the holiday season is an effective way to help cope with things and create efficiency in getting things done. Give yourself grace to not be a “Super Mom;” just remember you are not alone. Utilize help when it is available for small, medium, or large tasks.  

Holiday time can sometimes trigger serious mental health issues such as depression or severe anxiety. This can occur for assorted reasons including past trauma, missing deceased family, or the high level of stress associated with the holidays. If symptoms should arise and feel different or worse than usual, consider seeking professional help. The experienced Obsidian Counseling & Wellness team has the skill set and expertise to provide the necessary therapeutic interventions needed to get these feelings under control.  

Moms will always carry a heavy mental load during the holidays. It comes with the territory. Being able to manage that load is challenging but doable with the right support. Following the tips provided in this article is a great start. More than anything else, enjoy this special time of year with family and loved ones. That is the most important thing to achieve. Happy Holidays. 

5 Self-Care Tips For Parents To Ease Stress & Burnout From A Parent Counselor

Transitioning into the role of parent can be exciting and overwhelming; young people require a great deal of care and attention. Suddenly, your main job is to take care of your kids. This leads parents to restructure their priorities, often moving self-care to the bottom of the list. On social media, self-care is often portrayed as self-indulgence and spoiling oneself. To a parent, this view of self-care may feel frivolous and selfish.

However, I’d like for us to take a moment to reframe self-care from a luxury to a necessity. It is not something that is added to your day as a reward but is woven into each day.

‘True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake; it is making a choice to build a life you don't need to regularly escape from' – Brianna Wiest

Adults need to be cared for just as much as their children. The only difference is that adults can make choices throughout their day to check in with and take care of themselves. If you ask a parent to go a day without taking care of their child, they will look at you shocked and rightfully so.

However, many parents go daily without tending to their needs physically, psychologically, emotionally, socially, professionally, and spiritually. These are necessities for feeling your best. I know that list may sound as if they are more things to add to that never-ending to-do list. However, in the long run, taking care of oneself prevents burnout, makes you feel like your best self and strengthens your relationship with your children.

Why is Self-Care Important for Parents from a parent counselor?

Self-care is connected to mental health; self-care can help to prevent burnout. Growing up, we are taught that we just must do some things: we have to brush our teeth each day, sleep, eat, and see the doctor. However, we often are not told to check in with how we feel or to have compassion for ourselves. By prioritizing self-care just as much as the other necessities, we can feel like our best selves, which will help us be the best parents we can be.

What is Caregiver Burnout?

Burnout, or caregiver burnout, is described as an occupational phenomenon, and if you’re reading this you know being a parent is a full-time job. Parents experiencing burnout may feel:

• Exhaustion or energy depletion that won’t go away

• Increased feelings of negativism, cynicism, or mental distance

• Reduced efficacy

• Increased procrastination and avoidance

• Jealousy of others, i.e., the myth of the "supermom."

• Sense of helplessness

As a parent, this may also look like a change in sleeping or eating habits. Feeling physically unwell with dizziness, an upset stomach, or headaches. Feeling anxious, guilty, unhappy, or lonely. And feeling irritated, withdrawn, sad, or angry for extended periods. Burnout is different than stress. Stress is short-term, and when we experience stress, we can identify an end to the situation and feeling. Burnout is a long-term process and is built up over time. Stress often springs individuals into action and anxiety response, while burnout often results from extended periods of prolonged stress leading to disengagement and blunted or distant emotions.

Teaching your Children Self-Care

The best way to teach your children about self-care is to model it yourself. Through watching you prioritize self-care, your children will also give those habits and behaviors value as they grow. For example, some of your self-care routines can parallel those that you set with your children. This may look like having a family dance party, making a healthy meal together, or taking a family nap after school. Working self-care into your children's lives and your own will make self-care a habit rather than something you can do "if time allows."

Build Your Toolbox: Find Self Care Strategies that Work For you

We've established that self-care does not always need to mean treating yourself, but what else can it be? Below, I've broken self-care down into some categories. For example, starting a habit of self-care may look as simple as choosing one thing from each category to implement daily. Each category includes a few examples of how one may implement that category of self-care. Your self-care will be unique to you, so allow yourself to implement self-care in ways that feel right.

Connect

• Call a loved one you haven’t seen in a while

• Set up a date night with your partner

• Talk to a neighbor

• See a friend

• Join a team, class, volunteer group, etc.

• Connect with coworkers

Move

• Take a walk

• Dance around your kitchen

• Go for a bike ride

• Play the music for a line dance like the YMCA or Macarena (a great one to do with your family)

• Yoga

• Exercise

Recharge

• Try and get enough sleep when possible

• Take breaks to ground yourself

  • Check into your breath

  • What can I see, feel, smell, hear, taste?

  • What does my body feel like?

  • Take a moment to breathe

• Take a break from screens

• Meditate

Maintain

• Set up your doctor’s appointments

• Brush your teeth

• If applicable: take your daily medications

• If applicable: do your physical therapy exercises

• Seek counseling

Play

• Play with your kid’s toys after they go up to bed

• Watch or play a sport

• Play a card or board game with a friend or partner

• Video game time

• Make art

CONSIDER PARENT THERAPY IN CHICAGO, IL

Self-care and mental health are connected; sometimes, parental stress or burnout may become big enough that it may be hard to overcome on your own. In this case, it may be helpful to seek counseling. That’s why the online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL, offer therapy directed at increasing your confidence and helping you make friends in Illinois via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home. Take the steps below to get started.

1.     Fill out a consult form here.

2.     Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.

3.     Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!

OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS

When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people address anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.